My Story - Need Help... Is there hope?

[truelovewaits]

Hey Sandi,

Once again I do truly want to thank you for taking time to post and offer your advice. I realize I'm asking the same thing.

Today was really tough. My thoughts were haunted by the past. I went out with friends but my thoughts were with her. At a dinner party my thoughts were with her. Constant reminders in married couples. At a poker game with friends tonight I still found I was distracted, haunted by the past. Why tonight? It was as if it just happened. I haven't felt this bad in months.

I see every mistake I made. I fought with her, argued against her feelings. It doesn't matter that she lied, or that she was having an EA in the way I handled things. I was acting out of fear, I was trying to save something and by doing that I destroyed it. The harder I tried, the further she became. I put too much pressure and tried to reason and explain things. If we could only try again. Perhaps just start as friends and see if the spark could reignite our love. I don't know if we could get past what happened, I don't even know if I could ever trust her again. I want to believe we could, I want to believe that if she just wanted to try that I could not only trust her but trust in the fact that we both had faith in each other and in our marriage.

Now though I'm face to face with the fact that she is in another relationship. The M and R that we had isn't something she wishes to see. Instead she has decided to start over and forget the past. I get it, it is easier and it makes sense. The last six months were unpleasant for both of us. It started just with confusion and space and asking to forget, saying that we couldn't get past it because I couldn't let it go. At that time I believe she was confused. The constant arguing and begging though just drove her into his arms. She may have already been there, I don't know. I do know though that she was confused then. By the end I know she wasn't.

Who would want to return to arguing and pressure? Nobody. I wouldn't, and I understand why she wouldn't. That is why I feel an apology would help but I understand what you are saying. Your words speak truth and I believe you are right any contact would only hurt things. It is silly but I'm about to say that I just wish there was something I could do. I'm sure she is happy to be away from our situation. I'm sure she is happy with her new R. I want her to be happy. I would prefer though that we gave it a shot.

As for what I can be.... I don't know other than working to be a better me everyday. I want to be a husband only a fool would leave, and I know I'm on that path. I want to be a beacon of light and hope to her, and to fill her heart with love and passion. I want to be her partner, her friend, and her lover. I want to be a husband to my wife. I want to save my marriage.

I'm trying to be patient. Please, I ask you all to help. Please pray for the restoration of my marriage, and for me to move on. I won't give up hope, and I do believe in the love we had and shared.