X demands full custody...I'm engaged, Pt 3: Court?

[sleeper]

My mother passed away Friday night. Her birthday was Wednesday, two days before. She was 91 and had been in a nursing home for about a year. Her health began to decline about three months ago.

My X and my mother had a stormy relationship while we were married. X has done a "rewrite" of history to some degree and mom mellowed towards her with time, health issues and age. I cannot help but feel some resentment toward X as the struggle over our children this past year has at times consumed me and distracted me from mother. I could never bring myself to tell my mother what X has done and that the children no longer lived with me. Mother lived with myself and the children for a few months before I decided I could not care for her and her safety was in danger in my home (fell twice, wandered away from home twice and some dementia).

Presently the children live with X 100% of the time and therefore did not see my mother as much as they would have if they lived with me 50% of the time as they previously did. I have chosen the counseling route and not to pursue court action at this time. Counselor believes this was the right choice and that the damage done by an ugly court battle (things got ugly enough already) would be much greater than any benefit that might be realized.

How do you tell an X they are not welcome at a funeral? I can see her acting all sincere in her caring and as if she has done nothing to bring me or my family pain this past year. There is also the potential for a "scene" between her and some of the other extended family members who are angry and have been hurt by her actions.

It has been a rough year with many changes.

I am tired.