Needing some guidance... 6

[keep_going]

JKS,

I cannot agree more with what Acc is saying. I think you ARE strong enough to do this. I can see why you are afraid of change, of letting go and making tough decisions. But you DO need to change something.

Start by stopping to beat yourself up for what has happened. The past is gone. You can choose to change your mistakes NOW. This moment - not tomorrow or in an hour. RIGHT NOW you can do something to get out of this rut.

Look up, look ahead and just take one step.

GET HELP - counseling and help with your depression is a major first step. What can you do right now to get that going?
Do you have recommends? Can you make phone calls to set up an appintment? Can you research online now?

Also, get yourself to a CODA meeting immediately. Get online RIGHT NOW and find what meeting you can go to tonight. And tomorrow night. And get their weekly schedule in your area. Go daily if you need to - sometimes going to different meetings and groups helps even more. Get a sponsor. Start your twelve steps. Get support from those in your groups.

I am worried about you, girl and I am worried about your kids.
They need you. A HEALTHY you...

I think it's also a GREAT idea to move closer to friends and relatives. You need to surround yourself by positive and healthy influences. You need a support group. Are you looking at listings today? Do you have any options for housing yet? What can you do today to advance that process?

Sometimes the hardest first step is deciding to let go and just ACCEPT HELP. It's ok to acknowledge that we cannot do this on our own. Right now you can't. And being around unhealthy people and relationships is only compounding the problem. I know I have said it before and please forgive my bluntness, but you need to get away from this man.

He is like a drug right now and what you feel for him is not love. He is just TEMPORARILY helping you mask the pain you feel. But when the high is gone, he just leaves you feeling worse about yourself. There is no way you can recover while you are in this kind of situation and relationship. He is just damaging your self-esteem more and more.

No matter how much you hurt, you need to realize that you are getting hurt more by staying with him. And your kids are getting hurt too.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

You NEED to do this - for yourself and your precious little ones.

YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN.
YES, IT'S TIME TO REDISCOVER YOURSELF.
IT'S TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR KIDS.
Because nobody else will.

Hang in there.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
But you need to help yourself by taking the first step NOW.

((((((((((JKS))))))))))))