I have no idea what I'm doing

[RealityTrip]

JOURNAL: Today I am mad. I am sad. I am angry at her. This morning I got a call from one of her older brother's and his wife (together on the phone). They called to tell me that they love me. That they are thinking of me and praying for me and that even though they have to support W regardless of her choices that I am still their family and they want me to be a part of their lives. I cried. It felt so bittersweet.

Then I got a text message from my W's mother. She was asking about a bottle of wine and where can she get it. I answered her. Then she asked if she and my W's father need to come down and look after my W for a while. AHHHHHHHH! She hasn't told them!!!!!! She's been living with AP for two weeks and she hasn't told her parents. They don't even know we were having problems.

I texted W asking her to call me. I didn't want to ignore my ML but it's also W's place, not mine, to have that conversation with them.

W called me. I told her about her mom's text. W had some problems with her knee and was laid up. She has been on the phone with them but they think she is at home with me. For crying out loud. AAAAHHHHHHH!

I texted ML back and said W was fone and was about to call her.

So ridiculous. So aggrivating. So sad. So many people are affected by infidelity and divorce. It's such a selfish thing to do to a family.

On top of all that emotion, I am sitting on the knowledge that AP may be cheating on my SBXW again. She was seen with her XGF last month. They spent the day together with some other people I know riding motorcycles. AP was on the back of her ex's bike all day. The people they were with thought they had "gotten back together." I am SOOOOOOO NOT TELLING.

I am so angry at my W right now and feel sorry for her all at the same time. It's a weird push of emotions I'm having today.