Ah ha!!!! Got a reply - "mysterious" he says and could I forward it to his address. Not OW2, with whom I thought he lived . . . . .. is this a baroque way of trying to tell me something? I am bothered? not really.
That was a quick response!
I agree with Snodderly, yes I think he is trying to tell you something
Glad to hear you sounding so well Bea, and that your sons are happily engaged. I remember you telling me that you and your x both had cancer during his MLC but he was not real supportive of you. My H now has a cancer scare. He has a tumor in his stomach and needs further tests. His doctor says they are usually benign but H's grandpa died of stomach cancer and his mom has colon cancer so it's worrisome.
He says he does not want to think about it before his planned conjugal visit to Moscow next month to visit the Russian Tramp so he made an appounent for the testing in October. But now she is encouraging him to have the test done while he's there. And she made an appointment for dental work including a tooth extraction. He says he will only have to give the "dentist" a bottle of vodka.
Anyway, his worries made me think of you, so I thought I'd drop by to say hello!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
hjust checkin in- sayin hi- and i'd say he's sending a message- now, do you have any more energy left at all for sifting thru the ashes for the clues & messages?????
sure can wear ya out - can't it- the mind reading, etc.
Hi girlz thanks for stopping by. You are still in the world of hurt and pain stage - which is horrible, and thank goodness I have finally got out of that hole. My goodness it takes time. I don't feel badly disposed to xh, and am mostly fine. I would be lying if I said I was 100% happy all the time, but then if I were they would probably lock me up!!
Soooooo, I am afraid it is true and detachment is the name of the game. If they get sick we can do nothing, if they do crazy and hurtful things - not our problem. Do not try and own their problems I suspect we all did too much of that during our marriages. it is time for them to take the consequences of their daft actions
what my xh does now bores me, it isn't adult and it isn't interesting. While you are dealing with it up close and personal it is hurtful but with the lens of distance and time, it is rather pointless, definitely laughable and somewhat pathetic. These are men in late middle age for goodness sake.
What they do is of no interest to the world, and we need to take the high road. I had a dream last night about xh and a friend said (in the dream) 'You know he always was a bit of an (expletive deleted) And I remember thinking, 'He really was'. I loved him but he could be a real pain.
Try and let go of these sad and destructive people and look at the blessings in your life. They are broken and they are trying to take you down with them. Hang on and dig yourselves out. You need to live even if they decide to drown in the mire.
"Bea what my xh does now bores me, it isn't adult and it isn't interesting. While you are dealing with it up close and personal it is hurtful but with the lens of distance and time, it is rather pointless, definitely laughable and somewhat pathetic. These are men in late middle age for goodness sake.
What they do is of no interest to the world, and we need to take the high road. I had a dream last night about xh and a friend said (in the dream) 'You know he always was a bit of an (expletive deleted) And I remember thinking, 'He really was'. I loved him but he could be a real pain.
Try and let go of these sad and destructive people and look at the blessings in your life. They are broken and they are trying to take you down with them. Hang on and dig yourselves out. You need to live even if they decide to drown in the mire. "
I guess I'm not in the digging out stage yet Bea. I do have a patience shovel, but am only using it to keep myself from being sucked under into the quicksand his current relationship is built upon. But I'm still hoping my H will escape with me. And that he'll turn his heart and mind back to me again one day. It's possible! Even probable....
My H is almost beyond late middle age. He'll turn 60 in a few months. It boggles my mind that my 60 year old husband is infatuated with a 58 year old skanky slut who calls him her "boyfriend." He is a married man for God's sake.
But for some reason I still love him. I'm sort of counting on this conjugal visit helping him get the Tramp out of his system. Maybe, depending on how he acts when he returns, the sheer ridiculous-ness and pathetic-ness of it will sink in, and I'll be able to stop standing like you have. I actually sort of thought you were still standing a bit, but guess I was wrong. But right now, I really still love H Bea.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
really gld to hear your message and think you're feeling soo detached and it's empowering really.
i'm glad for you. i wish i felt same- i think i'm not there yet.
(whatta huge surprise -huh?)
don't have love - don't have hate - don't have TOTAL detachment- maybe i'm 65% there? can accept. don't like it. can go about my life without giant pain - CAN'T erase total memory of what "love" felt like.
just putzing along- it's inspiring to hear someone who came out other side or your own tunnel there- soooooo, the journey is necessary and does work- woo hoo
i keep forgetting WHOEVER SAID - TRUST THE PROCESS.
(I'M a very un-trusting soul i know- I always trusted self, not really anyone else) (well, did once and we see how that one ended)
i know i'll get where you are - ultimately. now- hurry up ultimately please....
hope your day is great
xxoo and th anks for sharing your "wisdome" in these matters.
ohyeah - forgot to add - my h is 61 - i scratch my head just like you and think "grow the heck up already" you're approaching "old" here- (and h has a kind of crabbie side- icky old man side) soooo quit acting like you're 15. even wanting to be - doesn't make it so.
embrace the fun side - let the rest go- nothing will change who you are or your age-
laugh more- crab less - all that junk DOES NOT MATTER. HE GETS nuts over smalles things - i swear he's trying to create excitement in his life- DOING IT ALLLLL TH WRONG WAYS.
OH WELL - can't make a blind man see i guess
me- i'm gonna recreate my life as something new - new chapter- new someting- new job - new whatever- i'm not goin down trying to be girl i was back in highschool-
i still like to laugh and jerk around and have fun-
gonna fight the bitter old lady road til i die (hopefully) bake muffins & cookies - hug babies & play - FEEEED people who visit me - hand out compliments as much as possible - have "baked apple cheeks" and laugh alot-....
