The Show Must Go On

[BrightFuture]

Hi makingmajic, thanks for stopping by. Our business is just our way to be self-employed. He has his contracts, I have my. All invoices get paid to the business, and then we pay the salary to ourselves. He is working now, making some money. But it is going to be his money. My contract ended in May, so I’m not bringing any money, but I accumulated enough to continue to pay myself, maybe for another month or so.

Eventually, my plant would be to open my own company and live this one to him. We would have to negotiate the assets though, since he has trucks and equipment that he needs for his work. I only need a laptop for my line of business.

[makingmagic]

WOW... sounds very convenient... wish mine was simpler. I cannot do my business without him, and he couldn't do as well without me. We are stuck together.

Is he aware that you want to exit now? Do you forsee any issues with division of assets?

[BrightFuture]

I told him that I wanted to open my own company back in March. But I backtracked since then. I did a refi and figured that I needed to show my income through the old company. I’m still waiting for the interest rate to drop, so I could do another refi. As far as assets, I want to leverage them against the the two mortgages, one is now on my name, and another one is for vacation home that I want part of. So, we will see how it goes.

[makingmagic]

WOW... you sound like you know what you are doing. Just don't bury yourself in debt! Do you think H will have an issue with what you want to do? Will he put up a fight?

[RosaLinda]

Are you able to negotiate some new contracts for your part of the business without any input from your H, Bright?

I'm sorry you feel a bit down. The reality of MLC horror all hits hard sometimes, doesn't it? It changes our lives completely, turns our comfortable happy married life upside down and inside out, dumping us in unfamiliar territory with no directions or map telling us how to find our way back to who and what we want to be. We all need a MLC GPS You're doing great though, you really seem to be detaching well. Do you have any more GAL activities planned when you get back home today?

[Wonka]

Bright, have you been able to think up some small fun stuff to send to H? A humorous postcard about dogs in general...or something like this. You know...need to rebuild your connection other than just business matters.

[BrightFuture]

Makingmajic, no, I don’t think at this time H will put any kind of fight, but it could change, you know. I was a main breadwinner for a long time and I want what I earned hard, probably at the expense of my marriage. I told this to H and he said “Hmm, I didn’t think about it like this”. So, I hope I will get what I want.

Linda, yes, I negotiate my own contracts, since my field is completely different from H’s. I’m getting some random offers, but all of them in other parts of the country. I don’t want to travel too far. I prefer to stay in California. So, I’m just waiting for the right opportunity.
I actually do have a concert tonight. My sister bailed out on me, she is too tired after a night shift. I tried to invite a couple of friends, but with no success. So, I’m going by myself!

Wonka, I do have some fun stuff I can send to H, but I’m still hesitant to do it though. I don’t know why. I have no idea what his state of mind is, except that he might be lonely, so he signed up on the dating site. When I crossed the border today and turned on my cell phone, I got a text message from him asking me about the business. I don’t know when the text was sent, but he said “good morning”. It could be today or yesterday, or even earlier in the week. I replied, told him that I just crossed the border and didn’t know when he sent the text, but gave him an updated for business. He replied right away with "ok, thanks".

Now, when I'm back home and back to the reality, I need to process my feelings and figure out what I want to do next. Still don’t know if I should initiate the communication with H at this time. Could get more input on this, please.

[Portia]

Hi Bright,

I have always found the rules of contact a bit confusing. So much depends on what we can handle.

In your situation I see two encouraging positives: your H is once again contacting you regularly even if it is just about business right now and that even if he signed up for a dating site, it can mean that he is simply lonely. It can also mean that at least he is not already entrenched in a relationship which is the worst.

You have had some good business conversations/texts by this time, right? And most he has initiated, right? Maybe, if you are ready you may want to test the waters? A simple funny text or joke, nothing about business in it and see if be responds. But only if you are ready.

If he responds, great! Take it very slow for both your sakes.

If he does not respond, shelve it for now and let you and time decide if you want to try again.

Hugs!

[BrightFuture]

Portia, I’m with you here, about the rules of contact. I see all these advices to initiate the communication myself sometimes, but I think I’m not ready. I don’t have any expectations, but I just don’t want to give him false impression that I’m pursuing. He might interpret it this way, IDK. I guess I’m waiting for a bigger sign that he will be open to some communication from my side.

I have the same impression that he signed to a dating site because he is lonely and because he cannot find a partner he wants (willing to go to the bars with him, responsible and fun, no nagging, no jealousy, no demands, no arguments about anything, no small kids, not too fat, in other words a harmonious relationship.) But it tells me that he hasn’t changed his mind about ending our M and looking for a new R. I’m thinking that until he tries what is out there and finds that what he had with was the best ever, he will continue looking. But if he gets involved into a R, even though it will not work, I might be done by then. IDK if I will be able to have an R with him after that. I think that knowing that he signed for a dating site stops me from initiating any contact.

[RosaLinda]

Hi Bright! How are things? Any more texts from H? Do you two ever actually talk on the phone?

I'm feeling a bit down so I drove down to our town beach to walk and read a bit. And watch the sunset. When I came in my H is laying on the couch. He didn't say a word to me. Didn't even turn his head in my direction So I made my self a nice cup of tea and came upstairs to my bedroom to catch up on everyone's sitch.

Giving him space. Giving myself space.