I did my best at validating her feelings and comments and tried to really listen and understand. One thing that is confusing for me is that she seemed to get overwhelmed with pain and emotions when I validated (too well?).
It seemed to me all the pain came flooding back to her (because she has been keeping it buried) she told me to stop validating because it sounded so horrible.
So she is obviously still holding onto the pain, the reasons for the pain, and holding resentment and me responsible. Do I try and address this issue either ASKING HER to go to counselling or again making an observations and ASKING HER to think about it if she is holding onto this pain as a reason to not allow herself to get close to me and open her heart to consider forgiveness and ultimately reconciliation.
From what I have read, reconciliation and forgiveness aren't possible if the person continues to hold onto pain and resentment and the reasons for the pain (blaming me). I have ASKED HER to take a step back and think about these things and her actions and why she is doing things. She has AT LEAST SAID SHE WILL CONSIDER what I have said and think about them. She has also said she would talk with her family with an open heart.
Both of these things are huge steps in my mind, since she wouldn't even consider or think about these things or take any action whatsoever before. So there might be some baby steps made here.
But how do I get her to face what she is doing to herself and to allow herself to soften her heart? How do I get her to forgive and let go of the resentment? This will be a key first step to the possibility of reconciliation, just not sure how I get her to do this.
