asusual - yikes... you are rite to just step back and wait and see (i think) it's all that we can do - REALLY.
I HATE IT alot soemtimes, well, all the time. i'd love to jump in with a big old flashy move- BUT THEN THE $$ is a huge consideration if we're going to be adults about this -
taking care of self- may just also mean seeing to that also. i know i'm a fearful person about it- i know i can go survive SOMEHOW - BUT I'm not thinking it will be pretty. ih ate the thought of suffering and worrying like mad paycheck to paycheck like anyone else. i know i laugh about it or joke- but it's not all that funny - the bottom line.
if you're the excellent bookkeeper- me too, about finding every single penny when i balance the checkbook -
i like KNOWING . i haven't KNOWN one daRN THING i can hang my hat on since i found out about ow and we had the first big blast.
i know as much NOTHIN now as i did then. i'm one bit more chilled out about it- look at me- i whine like mad and then continue to have this life- accept the support - wonder when he'll pull that rug out- SINCE HE'S SOOOOOOO IN LOVE WITH HER- BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i'm guessing this is a very rough part - geeez - not fair- we conquer the mangled heart in there- manage not to be bleeding and in a fog every day-
and NOW THIS- HAVING to go around actually wondering and worrying about our very survival.
by that i mean- we'll survive - but will i be living under a stinking bush in ft.lauderdale behind dunkin doughnuts? or will i have a roof over my head? one wonders sometimes.
oh well rite??? it's mighty nice not to be $hit poor. i can't escape it- . THEN it makes me grateful that he is paying for stuff and enabling me to help my stinkin mother that i gripe all the time about- if he weren't paying bills it would be SOOOO MUCH WORSE in life.
i wish like mad he'd come to place where he just had generosity of spirit toward me and would give me the stinkin half of the house TO GET RID OF ME - RATHER than the ot her way around (what it seems like to me) a way to keep me tied in here somehow.
we had a small discussion about "apologies" other day. me, i think they mean something, someone actually verbalizing their sorrow at causing pain or trouble or hurt feelings. he thinks it's all nothin. he says an apoligy doesn't mean one darn thing to him-
can ya even reason with someone who says stuff like that? why wouldn't it mean something to know a person felt contrition for hurting you- or causing you pain?
he is soooo deluded. in the same breath he's mad at his aunt for crapping on his head while he's trying to help her - what DOES he think that feeling is??? he's hurt by her carelessness of his feelings.
OH MAN- HELLOOOOO - WHO IS IN THERE - ANYONE??? can his brain be that "stopped"? aparently.
i still don't know about facebook. a neice had a lovely boyfriend who worked for microsoft - and he said no doubt about it- every single thing you put on line- is somewhere accessible to someone looking.
THAT BEING SAID - TA DA - here i am spilling my stupid guts allover the road on this forum. if it were not a matter of survival and sanity- i'd have not gone here either.
oh well huh- i guess at some point all the fear gets tossed out the window to save oneself.
like me gnawing my leg off to get out of the trap? wonder if i will???
oh well- from the land of the half-dead here- picture me zombie like walking around not talking & not enthusiing and not laughing and participating -
icky woman- who would EVEN WANT A ZOMBIE ANYWAY??? this not being charming old self and being detached is a really wierd one.
good luck to you my dear- it'll be okay IN the end. just don't know what that will be. be your old controlled self and keep watchign and trying to be still- the financial bit is a bad one and a bigh one. i'm sooo sorry he quit that job.
i get your anger & pain- this stupid h of mine- when he pulled out the old "we have to talk" - so mething he NEVER SAID IN 38 YEARS - NO KIDDING - NOT EVEN ONCE (nothering ever that important) yet that other trip he said it- because he needed to tell me he had to go visit ow and i could stay in fl or go to nj-
can you die. ??? well, let me change that - can you klll??? i probably could have.
oh well- we are to ac=ssume this will allll make us stronger (probably more obnoxious & bitter as well) women.
onward and upward. see how it all plays out i guess- like we have alot of choices rite???
