My mother is dying. XW wants to be my friend.

[tadpole1025]

Okay, so all of those things she said make no sense now. Just tell her that you're sorry that she feels that way and that she's in a new R, so should be happy. Then end the conversation.

You are right MrBond. She is nuts and I DO have to start standing up for myself. She still has not responded to my text asking her who the informant was. As I've said, she won't either because there wasn't one and there was nothing to "inform" her about. I was ALWAYS faithful to her.

Just a few quick updates:

Mom - She is home after a week in the hospital. She was there to help with nutrition because she hasn't been eating. Thanks to some on this board, I mentioned marijuana to her s few times and she is now on it. Thank you! She isn't smoking it, but they are giving it to her in pill form. I hope it helps.

Me - I am doing okay. I am sort of in a funk though. One day, I want to date and meet someone nice. Other days, I want nothing to do with it. There are also days where I just don't give a flying f*ck and others where I am still angry with her. I sometimes wish that the anger would go away, but I've also had others tell me that it is good for me. Should I still be angry from time to time? Still?

XW - She has been married for about 6 weeks. She has contacted me more since she has been married than she did before. WTF? She also can't seem to keep her nose out of my family's business. I've also realized lately what a mess she really is. She has said numerous times that she is not the bad guy here. Everytime we do talk, I have to hear that she KNOWS she made the right choice and she has to give me a reason why she did what she did. The funny thing is, it is almost a different reason every time. Hell, when she first left, it was because I never took her to the right grocery store. Then, it became because she was unhappy for 5, 10, 12 or 15 years depending on her mood. Now, it is because I supposedly cheated on her.

S18 - He informed me a few nights ago that he doesn't like to go to his mother's house. I told him that he is 18 and he can do whatever he wants. He is no longer "obligated" by the courts to visit her. I told him if he wants to, that's fine, but he shouldn't feel like he has to.

Basically, that is all. Just wanted to give everyone a quick update.



Tad

[MrBond]

"Should I still be angry from time to time? Still?"

Yes.

But again, start standing up for yourself. Are you afraid she's going to D you? Oops already happened. But your fear is still there. She has pigeonholed you and trained you so that all you do is feel fear.

Stand up to her and let her be crazy on her new H. The beauty of being D'd from her is that now you can just hang up on her.

[kml]

She has said numerous times that she is not the bad guy here. Everytime we do talk, I have to hear that she KNOWS she made the right choice and she has to give me a reason why she did what she did. The funny thing is, it is almost a different reason every time.

She's trying to convince herself - the lady doth protest too much, in my opinion.

As for the phone conversations - don't have them! Don't answer your cell phone when you see it's her. Then text her back if it's important. I eventually trained my ex to communicate with me only through text and email. If I accidentally answered the phone, and he started spewing, I would magically hit a dead zone and the call would drop out

[mizjjd]

Tad man, do you have caller ID? Do you have voice mail?

Don't subject yourself to further torture!

It sounds like she's still processing her actions and trying to validate her choices. Let her do that without the benefit of your ear.

I'd like to know, why do you answer her calls? Your children are all grown. Is there some other reason anything she'd have to tell you would be so urgent that you couldn't wait for voice mail?

Or are you answering just to stay connected to her?

[tadpole1025]

Stand up to her and let her be crazy on her new H. The beauty of being D'd from her is that now you can just hang up on her.

She's trying to convince herself - the lady doth protest too much, in my opinion.

I've actually thought that she has been trying to convince herself of a lot of things since this whole mess started. If you tell yourself something enough don't you start to believe it? Then maybe she really does believe that I was so terrible.

I'd like to know, why do you answer her calls? Your children are all grown. Is there some other reason anything she'd have to tell you would be so urgent that you couldn't wait for voice mail?

Actually, I didn't answer it. She left a voicemail: "please call me. it is important."

She then sent a text: "check your voicemail. I have something important for you."

So.....

I called her. She had (wrong) info about my mother who has been sick. She supposedly heard from my brother's XW that mom was going to hospice. Not true at all.

Tad

[uRworthy]

Tad, who the heck cares if she thinks your terrible or she thinks you cheated? If she knows about your family or if she gives you 100 reasons why she left? Who cares what she thinks or does?

You are still going round and round with her. It's time to stop. You keep hoping for a different answer from her.

Your kids are grown, she is remarried. Time to let go, Tad. Actually, it was time a long time ago.

You know the truth. The rest just doesnt matter.

Take back your life, man.

[tadpole1025]

Tad, who the heck cares if she thinks your terrible or she thinks you cheated? If she knows about your family or if she gives you 100 reasons why she left? Who cares what she thinks or does?

Hey there. You are so right. It is just very frustrating. I get frustrated because she will accuse me of so many terrible things and tell so many lies about me and then say something like: "I prayed for a miracle for us."

My question is: If I cheated on her and did all of these terrible things, why would she even WANT to save the marriage?

Tad

[Drew]

My question is: If I cheated on her and did all of these terrible things, why would she even WANT to save the marriage?

Tad

Sigh ....

The longer you try and figure things out.

The longer you'll stay stuck.

What's it gonna take Tad? How many more people does it take to tell you to move on? When are you gonna starting living again?

Went to a funeral last of a good friend's father. Lived a good life to the ripe old age of 90. The word's he left behind for his daughter to read were:

"You only have two choices in life. You can start living. Or you can start dying. I always chose to start living."

Tad, I suggest you do the same. Start living.

[MrBond]

"If I cheated on her and did all of these terrible things, why would she even WANT to save the marriage?"

That SHOULDN"T be your question. Your question should be, how can I get my life started now?

[iluvme55]

"I get frustrated because she will accuse me of so many terrible things and tell so many lies about me and then say something like: "I prayed for a miracle for us."

This is why no contact is best......I am sure this gives you hope and she knows it.I dont talk to my married ex AT ALL. to painful, when he calls I take the call but that is very rare and I like it that way.....

I know how you are feeling and it's sad but it is what it is....don't try to read something into every word that comes out of her mouth....I know I say I am a stander but I do have my life to lead, if he comes back ,so be it, I will have a testimony for my family...if he never does I know I did all I could praying on my knees and being faithful to God.

I do have a life and I enjoy it.....feels very liberating please try to not contact her or her contact you "at this time you sound to me like the waiting by the phone to ring that never rings".....

I have been at this for a very long time and it hurts to see someone in so much pain but you really do have to not have any contact to start healing you really do...for your own sake just do it no calls no texts nothing do it for you....it does help