So now that my grandma has improved, I need to get back to California and start up my lab work again. I have a ticket booked for the 19th of Aug. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back, but I can't hide out here forever without job or schooling going on. I also don't think my H is ready to have me back. It's making me nervous going back. I feel like as soon as I get there, I'll have to face things and he might leave me permanently. I have to constantly tell myself to expect nothing, and continue to work on myself. Being out here has actually allowed me to succumb to more peace than I thought possible. When I have negative thoughts about people I always think back to my goal of forgiving, and I feel relieved. I don't know why I've spent so many years building up hate towards others. Probably because I don't stand up to myself and just let the hate grow. I'm trying to prepare myself to be stronger, and get my word in.
