Thanks for the opinions, I really do appreciate and need them right now.
Quote: I think an emotional baptism might be a mistake as it seems that it may put way too much pressure on her. How about just placing a single flower on her car. Like a yellow rose. So that in the morning when she leaves for work there it is. With a simple card that just says ME.
I think that little things like that in the sitch you find yourself in would go a lot further than some MAJOR event. And don't go overboard with that. Just once or twice.
Maybe have her favorite meal delivered to her at work. But space it out. Don't want to seem too over eager. And never mention anything to her about it. I do believe that she will contact you.
Yes, I've made major inroads here. Been doing them for the past month and it has helped a lot. She is even friendly to me now and is not as cold as before. It has been working. However, I am running out of time since she presses for filing, so I have a choice to either lay out how much I love her now, or never. Also, see above for history on what has worked with her in the past. She is a drama queen, loves attention, and loves to be in the spotlight and on a pedastal. I think she wants everyone to know I'm crawling back, I'm not debating the merits of this now, just trying to get to my goal.
Quote: Also ALWAYS agree. AGREE with ANYTHING and everything she says. For instance. She says. "You never loved me!" Your natural reaction MAY be to say "But of course I did" Instead try saying. "You're so right. I never loved you the right way. The way I KNOW that you wanted/needed, and unfortunatly it took this to make me realize it. But thank you for helping me see the light."
I know it seems that you are being the whimp. But how can she argue with someone who is agreeing with her. Also you MAY find that she will start taking your side and defending you. You dropped your defenses and that will force her to drop hers. But you have to do it ALL the time. Chances are you will win!
Exactly my plan, she does not talk about her feelings easily. She keeps them buried deep within and I think thats why she is so stressed and has occasional health problems. She has moved from angry to sad and crying so I think the ice wall may be melting and thinner than before. I hope I can draw her out to having an OPEN conversation by doing this. Bud do you guys know what I mean by a person who does this? Self made obstacles are illogical to me.
Quote: She says, I'm NILWY anymore. The first things you think to say is Why not? What happened? Well if she answers the questions, and you say OK I am willing/able to change those things then her reason for getting a D are now gone. So as best you can ignore that (For lack of better expression) How about saying to her, "Yes I know you aren't ILWM anymore and how can I blame you. I ALWAYS neglected you, I wasn't always very nice to you. I treated you like crap. And I am a terrible person for doing that to you. I don't blame you for how you feel. I would feel the same way also." Then just shut up. SCREAM it into your head SHUT UP!!!!!!!! Watch the look on her face. It will be priceless. Confusion and love both at the same time.
Good point, I will try my best to make her feel safe and comfortable to talk. Your words are what I have thought about saying myself. So I'm glad not crazy and have reassurances I'm saying the right things.
I might take you up on your offer to email you. Thanks again.
