My h called yesterday morning to let me know that he was leaving work and on his way home. He didn't leave his truck here so I knew he was in his car. He doesn't drive to work very often so I thought it odd. He chatted about nothing in particular for awhile then mentioned that he'd dropped the ow off at the airport. He didn't give any more details other than to say that she had written a check to him rather than me and he wondered if I'd like him to stop by and give it to me. Thanked him and he said to watch for him (in other words he didn't want to get out of his car). I got busy doing something and didn't hear him drive up. I thanked him for stopping by with the check, started to close the door while telling him that I'd talk to him later. He had a puzzled look on his face like he wanted to say more.
A bit later the phone rang and he asked me if it would be okay if he came by and used the internet because his wasn't working at the other house. Said he had a lot of work to do and needed access. I told him that it would be okay. He shows up, tells me what he needs to get done then goes to work. About 1/2 an hour later I stopped what I was doing to make lunch. I peeked in the room to asked him if he'd like something to drink or eat. He had his computer set up on the opposite side of the room so I couldn't see it clearly but I noticed that he was on a site that had nothing to do with work. I don't think he had work to do. He came by to talk, check out the house to see if everything was the way he left it and to get a free meal! LOL
What I learned from his visit and our conversation is:
He is still confused about what to do in the future.
Ow left the day after a live mouse was found inside a pan in the kitchen. She freaked out, ran outside and wouldn't come back in the house. Hey city girl, when you live here you gotta learn to share your space with the critters!
The ow left without giving him a reconciliation on the budget that he asked for. (He's not happy about that.)
That he doesn't know "exactly" when she is coming back. (My guess is that when the money for the budget is gone, she'll be back).
He doesn't like being alone. It gives him too much time to think about things that he's avoided for too many years.
He feels guilty about not staying in contact with our younger daughter.
He can't stand that he doesn't know if I'm "dating".
He's taking his job a month at a time.
He can now look at me without darting eyes now when he talks to me.
He watches me closely as I speak.
He's a little less formal during conversations.
As he was clearing the table after lunch he started to touch my shoulder then pulled his hand back.
No hug or kiss the past 2 times we've seen each other.
His sense of humor has started to return.
After lunch I went outside and started butchering a bush that was out of control and left him to finish his "work". He came out of the house and told me that the yard needed a little more work. I told him that was true but (jokingly) said that it cuts into my social life, laughing after I said it. He laughed and told me he was leaving. I came back in the house almost immediately to check the wine cellar and the refrigerator for theft! As far as I can tell, nothing is missing.
15 minutes later he calls and leaves a message about something that could have waited till later. A text later in the evening with a message about talking to our daughter's employer. I responded and we had a few laughs about it.
This morning I had an email from him asking me if I'd print out a copy of a presentation that he needed for work. Other than that, no contact today. He has a lot to think about or maybe he's already forgotten that he was here yesterday. LOL
I'm enjoying the day here at home alone without distraction. Finished doing a few projects that I've wanted to do for a very long time. I'm starting to really enjoy the time alone and the evenings, while still a little lonely, aren't nearly as tough as they were in the beginning.
It's been about a month an a half since he moved yet seems like 6. For those of you that are struggling with the thoughts of your h moving out of the house, you will survive if it happens. I thought that it would be best and easier if he stayed. If you've read my thread you know that my h wasn't an angry mlcer and so far hasn't blamed me for what is happening. Sure I miss him and am standing for my M while continuing on with my life without any expectations. For my own mental health it's better to be here alone than to hear bits of the phone conversations with the ow, watch him suffer from depression that I can't do anything about, the walking on eggshells, wondering what mood he'll be in from minute to minute and a long list of other behaviors that I no longer have to deal with. I can't even imagine living with a spouse that is angry, depressed and unpredictable.
My prayers are with all of you, especially those that are living the with a spewing, angry mlcer. We will all survive thanks to the wonderful people on this board.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
