Thanks for the follow up, I definitely need it. Been very on edge lately, close to mental and emotional overload. Tough for me to be so supportive and unconditionally caring when she still goes hot and cold. She is much more receptive to seeing me now, cold spells aren't as cold, but she is still mysterious etc. Much more willing to be in contact with me since I've been so giving and supportive, she will respond, but initiating contact is a one way street, so does initiating effort.
Unlike most, I never had the outpouring of ILY or constant begging and pleading. I found that she was running further the little I did, so I stopped. This is what worked when we were courting, what worked when we almost split before, and what may work this time. This is what my gut and my heart tell me to do.
I'm sick of applying principals that are against my heart and intuition. I thought I should've done this earlier instead of going more dark, and I was right, she found a distraction in OM and is trying to numb herself further.
So I think she is looking for some reassurance that I do love her before she is willing to openly consider reconciling. Before she is willing to risk getting hurt, she wants to feel secure I love her and wouldn't hurt her again. I also think she wants to save face to everyone she has told I was such a horrible husband (I don't know how much of this she has really done) justify it by how much effort I've put in so everyone can see.
Since I haven't done this yet and she is pressing to file, what do I have to lose? At least I will know that I have tried everything I could and have spoken from deep down in my heart.
I will of course focus on understanding how she feels hurt and agree that I was the one that caused her this pain, and how sorry I am to have done all those things to cause her so much pain, especially a person I love so much.
