The Show Must Go On

[BrightFuture]

Linda, I would gladly punch your H in the eye too, with your permission, of course.

Mexican girl was not in the picture at the time of BD. He hooked up with her months later when he was in our vacation home. At the time of BD he was in another state, working. The number I confronted him about showed on the phone records a lot. I know that he has lots of “buddies” that he meets at the bars at the end of the work day when he works away from home. This number just looked suspicious to me (talking about intuition, maybe.) The texts appeared when he was driving to the concert and during the concert. I found out next day that the texts were at the same time when I was trying to get a hold of him regarding the plane tickets. He didn’t answer me, but there were multiple texts exchanged between him and that number during the same time. I also saw that he called this number a couple of weeks prior, when he was home for the weekend, and he called her when he was at the shop doing oil change for his car. I know it was female because I dialed the number and the woman answered. So, I got suspicious.

I found out about Mexican girl also through some snooping. Later I found out that our mutual friends (one of them is a cousin of this girl) also became a bit worried about it. I didn’t say anything at first, but eventually it all became clear that there was something. My friend called her cousin and found out that she was in touch with my H, but denied that there was more than just friendship. Then my friend spoke with my H and he told her the same. Later, when I finally confessed to my friend that I knew more about it and that I thought that it was not just friendship, my friend called her cousin again and told her that what she was doing was wrong. So, eventually, this Mexican girl told my H that she didn’t want to communicate any more. She figured that she was not going to get a sugar daddy after all and it was not worth it for her to lose the respect in her family. My H was mad at our mutual friend for “ruining” his relationship with her cousin. But after some time he came back to her to apologize for putting her in this situation, called himself a “jer& who fell out of love”. I’m still waiting for my apology… I might never get it, since we never discussed this and I don’t know if I ever want to.

Linda, I haven’t been working for almost 3 months now. I’m getting a bit worried about it. And we didn’t split the business. I pulled the stop on this, and it doesn’t look like H is doing anything about it either, at least not yet.

[RosaLinda]

Bright, you have my permission to punch my H in any place you choose - eye, mouth, belly. You go girl!

Thanks for sharing about your H's relationship with that girl, and about your BD. It seems that, as a group, a lot of our BDs were precipitated by our snooping and the confrontation that followed. 

But don't you think it would have happened anyway? Or did our snooping give our Hs that final kick they needed to make the break with us?

In my case like I mentioned, after BD#1, I seriously snooped and then confronted my H with evidence of his EA. But in the following 3 1/2 years, my H and I for the most part maintained a physical relationship, and he only had EAs. But before BD#2, I inadvertently found an email exchange on MY phone between my H and RT in which he said how much he missed waking up next to her beautiful body and her soft kisses, with a link to a youtube video about how to find a woman's G spot. Gaaaack! I immediately confronted him, and he immediately delivered BD#2. He told me he and RT are in love and he's tired of pretending with me, and would not hug or touch or show me any sign of affection from that moment on so I would not get my hopes up

Of course I kicked myself for confronting him and at the time thought the infatuation would have faded if I had not. But now I think BD would have happened anyway, because RT is so demanding. 

What do you think about the correlation between snooping, confrontation and BD?

I'm so sorry that you haven’t been working for almost 3 months now. I don't blame you for being worried about it - weren't you the main bread winner in your house? What happened with your industry?

[JuneReN]

Hey BF...I went on a date from online, guy was nice, but is was like an experiment for me. Nope, not ready to date, still love H, and am really good in my space. H can't understand as he has been serial dating/relationshipping since he left lol!

It was nice to have someone tell me I was sexy and sweet etc. but I knew it wasn't going anywhere lol.

I have taken myself off the site because I am not there yet. Thought I might be, but just confirmed what I suspected. It was fun though!!

[RosaLinda]

Hi Bright! I'm missing your cheery self! Are you okay?

Ruby you said "Hey BF...I went on a date from online, guy was nice, but is was like an experiment for me. Nope, not ready to date, still love H, and am really good in my space. H can't understand as he has been serial dating/relationshipping since he left lol!"

i didn't know you met that guy online Ruby. that's interesting. Online relationships are the bane of my existence right now but it's nice to hear you met a nice guy online who actually knows how to give a woman compliments lol! Maybe we'll have to start a MLC Survivors dating site!

[BrightFuture]

Hi Linda and Ruby. Thanks for stopping by. Linda thanks for calling me “cheery”, it sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes. I am in Mexico this week. Don’t have internet at the condo, just came to use the WiFi at the restaurant.

Linda, I’m so sorry you found that disgusting e-mail exchange between your H and RT. I think the BD would have happened regardless. I also think so in my case. There would have been something else that would have set H off. After all, our relationship was not perfect and we did have some arguments once in a while. Maybe I would have been able to avoid the BD, if back then I would have known what I know now.

Ruby, I do get lots of compliments from men. I’m actually quite confident in myself, and I know that I will have no problems attracting the potential dates. But, I’m just not there yet. I looked on the dating site and I there were a few profiles that would interest me. But I’m not feeling interested and ready to do the work.

I’m actually enjoying myself here, at the vacation home. I see the mutual friends every day. They said that my H almost has no contact with them. They’ve only heard from him a couple times since he left here in May. This is a bit strange to me, I thought that they are his best friends. I don’t understand it. My GF here said the same thing, that she doesn’t understand it. She seems a little ticked off, but explains it by the fact that she was harsh with him when she confronted him about her cousin. She seems not to be able to let go of this fact. She is still angry and annoyed with her cousin and wants to talk about it all the time. I listen to her and validate where I can. But, I’m mostly listening. She is going to her home town this weekend and is going to see her cousin. I told her to wish her cousin well. I’m letting it go… I’m letting the universe to take care of her cousin and my H… You can tell I’ve been listening to some mediation CDs, hehe…

As I said, I’m quite content at the moment. Even being at the condo and seeing all H’s stuff doesn’t bother me much. Seeing H’s so called friends here (not our mutual friends, but the wild drinking crowd) – doesn’t bother me at all. I took a closer look at one of the women he befriended here and realized that she can never come anywhere close in comparison to me. It made me feel disgusted that H chosen these kinds of friendships. I also felt stupid that I had some kind of jealousy towards her. Now I use her image to bring me back to reality when I feel sad or miss H too much. If H wants to have these people in his life, I don’t want anything to do with him.

I feel that I’m starting to get over my H. I think the fact that he signed up on the dating site has contributed in this process for me. If after one year he is not missing me and trying to look for a new relationship, it is time for me to let go completely.

[Portia]

Hi Bright,

It sounds like the vacation house has been good for you. I am totally jealous!

In my case, I didn't snoop until after BD. even when confronted with the evidence he denied everything and got angry that I would invade his privacy. It took an embarrassingly long time for me to get clued in. I do think there is a point though that even they have to give it up but they sure don't give up easily!

KP and Bright, I hear you about the dating. I am accepting that my R is over but that does not correlate to being ready to date. Just one more piece of this process that I find hard to understand - how easily they seem to turn to others.

Enjoy your remaining time Bright and take care of you!

[BrightFuture]

Hi Protia, thanks for stopping by. I think this time at my vacation home is turning to be really good. I think I’m letting go of painful memories and getting used to be here by myself without thinking about H.

As for “how easy they seems to turn to others”, I can say that actually it doesn’t seem that easy for my H. My friends here told me once again that he had troubles to hook up with anybody here. He tried to befriend local Mexican girls, but it never worked. My friends were puzzled that he would go after just about anyone willing to talk to him. Also, there is no activity on the dating site, he is still not approved. I think he is using the site to see what is out there, and there is nothing so far.

[Wonka]

Has there been any communication with H lately? Or are you lying low in Mexico or now to gather up your energies? Has he initiated any contact with you?

[BrightFuture]

Hi Wonka, no there has not been any communication latterly, after he signed up on the dating site. You are right about me gathering up my energies. How did you know? I’m taking my time here trying to define what I want to do next. I’ve been feeling pretty good here, except for today. My friends left on vacation today and I woke up feeling a bit down. I will be driving home tomorrow and it might be why I feel a bit anxious. I also feel that I need to finally accept the reality that my H is not interested in me anymore and no amount of time apart is working for my benefit.

[makingmagic]

Hi Bright... sorry to be chiming in... but can I ask what do you mean by leaving the business for 3 months... has he been working it? Did you just disappear from the business or did you give him an exit strategy... just curiuos.

Tx, Magic