I agree with the boundries, I just think you might be going about it the wrong way. Like I said, at this point your pushing her more into his arms. Right now, if she's angry, she's trying to push your buttons and you accommodating her.
Who cares if OM knows? how does that change what you need to do for yourself? As far as your wife is concerned the divorce is final and she just needs to wait you out. I know your hurt, it feels like betrayal, your having trust issues, and on top of it your wife doesn't believe anything you say.
Your not listening and validating. Don't correct, just say "Im sorry you feel that way, I see it a bit differently" and STOP. Its fine to have your boundries, but right now your the "guest" in her house. You kinda have to play by her rules now. NEVER ever let it get to a point your arguing, when that's about to happen, you need to take a walk around the block. Your boundry there, is when she starts up, "I refuse to let this escalate, im going for a walk and when I come back, if you'd like to talk like adults then im open to listening to your concerns".
I think you need to decide on whether infidelity is a deal breaker for you, cause for now your pushing an agenda that you have no control over, and might actually be making worse. It [censored] I know, but it might have to happen for her to see he's the wrong guy after all. You just need to decide if you can get past it. Cause right now, its an affair, emotional only maybe, but its still an affair.
