Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

So it hit me this morning that I still have a special ringtone for XH on my cell. I know that I should change it, but as soon as I thought about it, I wanted to cry.

I know that I have to let him go. If we're meant to be together again it'll be on him. I know that, but it's so hard to accept.

During the last two years, I never really thought he'd go through with the D. Even after he filed, I thought he might change his mind at the last minute.

I've been talking to a few guys and might even have a date in the next week or so, but now I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.

Part of me thinks I need to move on and see what's out there because I do want a family and a relationship.

The other part of me thinks that I'm not ready and maybe I need to sit out for a few months and seriously grieve what I've lost.

But then I wonder if I'm only thinking that because I have hope/expectations that maybe XH will change his mind. I don't want to waste any more of my life hoping that he'll decide to love me and work on us.

If I want kids of my own, I can't wait forever and maybe I'm just scared to start over.

I just don't know what to do. Maybe I should have posted in "divorced, but not done" instead.

At least I've got three weeks off before my fall classes start, so if I'm going to have a mini breakdown, this would be a good time for it.