I'm new to the community, though I've read DB and am trying to survive this trying time.
My husband and I have been married for three years, living together for four, and he ended the relationship two months ago. He said that he isn't attracted to me anymore, and that we don't have a connection. He is extremely adamant that it's over, and that he's going to file papers... tomorrow.
So I wonder, is there hope after a divorce? Honestly, I don't know why he's filing so quickly, other than he says that he just wants to get on with his life.
In our lives, he was the breadwinner, and I was the home maker. He made enough income for that, and said that I could stay home and be a writer, which I was doing. But, ultimately, that was not enough. He got a new job with a huge pay raise and, shortly after, he ended the marriage, saying he wasn't happy. He says that this is the best for both of us.
This has been devastating. Scary, financially, but also I felt like suddenly, my best friend was gone. My goofy guy. My wonder. A huge joy in my life. He's cold, he won't talk to me, he just ended everything. As if we had been dating.
I've since done a 180, as in, I've gone back to school to get a nursing degree, so I will never be in this position again. It's definitely not my dream job, and it's not artistic, but it pays well, I can work with kids and, yes, I will never be in this position again. My husband is very upset about paying alimony. He says that he doesn't want to, doesn't see why he should (since I worked in the home), etc.
Well. I feel like I did everything in the relationship. I listened to him, I made our home beautiful, I took care of all of our household arrangements, did the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking. Took care of all of our Burning Man details (yes, we go every year, and it's a ton of work!). I supported him when his self esteem was down, I listened to him when he had problems, and we could talk for hours. Then, suddenly, he ended everything.
All I can think of is that he wants an end to the support cycle, and that my being in nursing school and my working is the only thing that will make a difference. I've tried being nice, I've tried being brave. I'm going to try the LRT, but if he's divorcing me now... then there are details that we need to talk about.
This has been the most painful thing I've ever been through in my life and, honestly, I don't know what to do, or what would really be successful.
