Itching isn't even the word. I feel like the only way to move forward is to apologize for pressuring. I want to also explain things and talk about things but I know that is a horrible idea. However, what if I just apologize for pressuring? That is something I feel I need to do.
The thing is I want a relationship with her, I want a chance for her to be my wife again. I believe if we had that chance we would have a much better relationship, I know I would not make any of the mistakes I made before and that I wouldn't take a single day for granted. That said I know she has to want it to. However, I don't think she will as things were left. Also, her moving and being in a new R is pretty much a new life. That life is exciting and new and full of great possibility.
I don't think I can bring her back or anything. At least not right now. But I do believe I can at the very least open the idea of communication and if not well I'm in the same boat I'm in.
I do need to find similar stories. Know of any? Our situation is weird and I believe that it caused a great many issues. The way I handled it caused the decay and distance.
As for GAL... Life is good. I'm just back from the gym and going out with some friends for dinner. I've had a pretty stressful week but it has also been great in other areas. It's just the ebb and flow of life I guess. The thing is when amazing experiences happen (like this weekend twice.) All I think about later is how much she would have loved and appreciated that, or how amazing that would have been with her.
I know though that our R is over. I also know though that it requires two and right now there is no interest at all on her behalf. Her behavior was bad, and her actions and betrayal of the marriage and everything else are her own issues. I cannot fix those or address them as they are her own. I blame myself though for how I reacted. If I had followed the 37 steps who knows where we'd be. I also know I've changed from all of this and the only thing I know for sure is that I don't care about what happened, I understand it, I just would prefer that we try again. I know I've learned and that I can do better. That is why I wonder if I should apologize, at the very least it might open the door.
So that's me and where I'm at.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
