We've both been here for quite a while, and your sitch has been very difficult, you've had some really tough things thrown at you. Through this process I feel I've gotten to know you, and you are a wonderful woman with a lot to offer.
I do believe that you know what you have to do, you're just having trouble doing it.
The lack of motivation and the listless feelings you describe are symptoms of depression. When you're in a relationship, you're using the energy and excitement of the relationship to self-medicate. That's not good for you or the other person.
You are now using a *bad* relationship because it's better and less scary for you than having NO treatment for your depression. Why would you want to commit to a person you characterize as emotionally abusive? Does that make any sense? You are not committing because you *know* he is bad for you.
If you read back to your original posts, you talk about the reasons you think you ran into trouble in your marriage. You got to a point where you weren't very functional and were relying on your H to do everything as you described it. This is also depression!
You MUST talk to your doctor about this and get some help -- that may include medication, talk therapy, or both, but you MUST do it, particularly for the sake of your kids.
Living with depression is difficult for all involved, there is no shame in having the condition. I know that money may be an issue, and there are always reasons not to do something about it today, and assume that you'll deal with it later, but you can't accept that or time will continue to pass and you'll stay where you are. Your kids can't do anything about your depression, but you can, and you must.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
