Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

OK everyone, i have a question. Maybe i just need a 2 x 4 or whatever, but here goes:

The only time i see XW now is when we are exchanging the kids on weekends. I am having a hard time even being remotely caring towards her almost to the point of being short with her. I don't do it intentionally, but it almost feels like i have lost a ton of respect for her. I know what i have done wrong in our M, and i will make sure if i am blessed enough to ever get M again, i will not make the same mistakes.

But i guess my question is, how do i get past this part of me not caring or wanting to even put forth the effort to be nice to her after she gave up on our M without even trying to work on things?

I know it has only been a short time since our D was final, but i just can't seem to force myself to smile at her or even ask her how she is doing. This was a major sticking point in our M in the fact that she would come home every night and kiss and hug the kids but wouldn't even pay me an ounce of attention. So now when we do see each other i guess i shouldn't expect her to say hello or anything, but she has gone completely cold. More of the same from her i guess.

This has been a hard week for me for some reason, and i am fighting with my emotions on why i want to reconcile with her down the road so badly.

Am i wrong for feeling so cold towards her right now? Have any of you ever felt this way? I just can't force an effort or a smile right now.

Maybe i need to forgive her and let it go, maybe i need to forgive myself. All i know is, i am getting sick of my head still spinning with thoughts about how this all went so wrong.

ughh!