Some of you know that I do my fair share of house work. After I leave work, I pick up DD, sometimes do errands on the way home, arrive home, feed animals, clean house (including, on various days, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, picking up daily, sweeping) feed DD dinner, give DD bath, etc.
I also would make dinner for W and me, AND usually end up cleaning up after dinner. I used to really enjoy cooking and would make some pretty elaborate dinners. I told her, a long time ago, that I "kind of" resented cleaning up after dinner, and that, if I cooked, I'd like her to clean up. She said that when I cook, I should clean up as I go along, and that she would not agree to clean up the entire kitchen, but would take her plate and silverware and put them in the dishwashwer. Well, like I said, I really enjoyed cooking, so I just kept on doing it.

Then, she started on this Atkins diet, and I tried to support her efforts by joining in on it when I ate with her, including cooking low carb dinners. Very soon, I no longer enjoyed cooking. When my kids were in my custody, I would cook them normal stuff, and eat with them, and she would mutter that there was nothing she could eat. But she still expected me to cook low carb for her when they were not in my custody, which was about half the time. I've been slacking off a bit lately, eating stuff before she got home, and when she asked what was for dinner, I said I was not hungry. She would quietly fix herself something to eat.

Last night, she asked me what was for dinner. I said I hadn't really thought about it. She said, "well, think about it." I looked in the fridge. "There's some linguine in here."
"I don't want pasta." Too many carbs. I looked in the freezer.
"How about some pizza?"
"No."
So I told her to find something for herself. I told her that I am tired of cooking for her, and that I didn't want to do it anymore, unless we planned to eat a balanced normal meal together. Even then, I wouldn't do it unless she would help with the meal and/or cleaning up afterward. She was pissed. Said I was being passive/aggressive. That I was punishing her. She said that if I had felt this way, that I should have told her, so she could have picked up something on the way home, or taken something out of the freezer that morning.
I denied that I was punishing her, and reminded her of our conversations about the inequity of me having to cook as well as clean up, and the difficulty of cooking items that were consistent with her diet. She still said I was passive/aggressive, and told me about some recent p/a behavior of mine. She complained that this seemed to be coming out of the blue, like I was still mad at her about the hugging incident, earlier in the week. I said I wasn't upset about that any more, and that I had been tapering off cooking dinner for her lately, and that, to the extent I hadn't come out and directly communicated my displeasure with cooking for her, I was sorry...BUT, I was communicating that displeasure now.

I told her that I needed to be a bit more independent and feel a little less subservient. She heard me, but didn't respond, as she was playing with our DD. No more arguments that evening, and she was even civil to me. We cuddled a bit this morning, but, as noted in another thread, it was kind of like cuddling a statue. That's normally how it is, though.

So, confidobics students: Exert your independence. Tell her/him that you need to be less subservient. Stop doing something that you used to enjoy doing for him/her, but that had become a chore/drudge. HOWEVER, communicate in advance of stopping this activity that you are stopping it, and why.

And finish up with 10 pelvic thrusts. Breathe in. Breathe out.