I think your sitch is similar to mine in so many ways. I've done all the things suggested in SSM, but what I do like about the book is it puts into words, what I am feeling in a way that my wife won't get offended or get pissy. Problem is, she doesn't know that. She sees a book with a title of Sex Starved Marriage and instantly thinks it's filled with cheesy little ideas on how to improve your sex life. She doesn't understand that the book is aimed at understanding one another. Until she does realize what the book is about, I'm afraid she'll never read it.
Unfortunately for me (and for her) I'm feeling like lately, I might be happier if she and I weren't married anymore rather than continue down this path of constant hurt and rejection. She is still my very best friend, but I can be friends with someone and not be married to them. I can't be in love with someone and not want to be sexual with them. It's just not the way I function. And it's not how she used to function either.
I want so badly to be the object of my wife's affection. But she doesn't see sex as an emotional desire. She still sees sex as a duty that is expected of her, rather than something we share. The book does convey in great detail how to learn to understand all that. But I just don't ever see my wife reading it as long as I remain with her. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it might take me drawing a line in the sand, either by moving on, or not being so friendly, cordial, loving towards her to make her realize what she could be missing out on by being with me.
