Yes, it appears the fast spin is slowing down, still some disconnect with making what should be joint decisions, still a lot of internal work going on based on the books I see about (a lot of guilt recovery books). But there is a consistency growing, such as being pleasant, thinking of "outside world" things and other people, etc. She is also looking at me "differently" sometimes, I haven't figured out exactly "how" yet, but feels like "good" I guess. And the tension in the house that you spoke of in FY's thread is down, quite a bit. Time will tell, as always.
Thank you RL! I would think so too, but I have to remember that what makes "sense" is different for everyone, as MLC has taught me very well, lol!
Hi PON, yes, W through most of this has obsessively used texting, IM via fb and yahoo, email, webcam s3x, even at least one PA...etc, ad nauseum. MY choice was to do my best to ignore it and let it burn itself out. Not always successfully as my posts here would attest to, I still had my anger, sadness, etc spells from it.
I put certain boundaries, such as not in the MBR, and I built her her own computer so she wouldn't do her "activities" on the kids computers anymore...she wasn't very good about "hiding" her tracks, even with the coaching of some of her OM's (they had no idea of who they are dealing with when it comes to computers with this guy (me)...lol...n00bs).
But yes, I ignored it best I could, and chose to not dig or snoop very much. If she left something open, or left it on a piece of paper laying about on the table or whatever, then I would take a look sometimes. But for MY sanity, and to further MY goal of R, I chose to make allowances, overlook, etc because I know myself, once I started I would have to know everything and obsess about finding all the details. I know, psychologically, what has been driving that particular part of her replay actions, so I know/knew, that she HAD to play it out and reach her own conclusions. That is how she is, and I am as well.
That is MY method, tolerance, etc. It might not be right for you though. And though the sound of anyone's IM informing them they have a new message triggers me some and makes me cringe...I am rather happy with the growth and understanding, and strength, that my choice has given me. Seriously, I am pretty darn unflappable now, again, like I used to be years ago. It was a method of recovering something about me that I liked, was useful, but had lost along the family, career journey. Maybe a mad/crazy method, but a method none the less..lol
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
