Thanks again, ruby, dmr, newman, AS & PS, for posting here!
I always look forward to hearing from my DBing friends!
Can't wait to meet some of you in person in Boston on Friday!! Wa-hoo!!!
ruby, what time- u & me??? Same place???
Today- Went to see another lawyer this morning to get one last viewpoint on some very specific questions regarding the kids and the house situation. L says I will only have to give up one night during the week and every other weekend.
He also said I should be able to stay i the house w the kids and NOT split equity until at least the youngest graduates from h.s. but possibly longer (college).
I did not retain a lawyer yet--still just getting "free consulting advice."
But, tomorrow H & I are meeting w a mediator (another free consultation) then on Thurs are meeting w a second mediator (to get a comparison to see who is a better fit).
H & I talked today for about an hour (my initiation) & we are NOT on same page about kids. He wants them 3/7 days a week; I want them the whole school week & split weekends. But, I do want the kids to see their dad during the week- just not sleep overnight at his place--don't see this in their best interest.
Conversation was difficult, as we both heard each other but didn't agree. Neither of us budged.
We did agree we didn't like the idea of spending all our money on lawyers to make the decisions for us--that ultimately we both will need to compromise, so why not at least try to work it out through mediation.
We'll see. I reiterated that I still did not want this for our family and that I was sad for us & our family. We are broken, not just bent. So, I cried when I left to go see my C...the whole way there.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
At ball game I received a few different texts from cute D'ed guy. H was standing next to me and saw who the texts were from, I think. Shortly thereafter H said he knew I was texting other guys and didn't feel comfortable so he was going to leave.
Rather than try to defend myself or explain the texts (as they were very innocent & I would have shared the content w H) I said nothing.
I wanted to say, "Well, maybe you feel just a .0001% of an ounce of how I've felt all these months." ...even though my texts were very innocent and not from someone who I am having an EA with!
I secretly hope that H is feeling sickened by the fact that I will have a life with another guy after him. That my life didn't end b/c he moved onto another woman. That he feels saddened and upset and all the emotions I have felt.
Part of me wants to explain the texts were from this guy b/c the boys and I dropped off some toys at his house yesterday and he was just thanking me for them.
Other greater part of me wants him to wonder what the texts are all about...esp b/c he knows who this person is and that he is d'ed.
What are your opinions???
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
You're so lucky you have a cute D-ed guy, if only to help in cases like this. It may not work to get your result (though I hope it does) but it probably will pique his interest to show that other men are interested. (So many men think we are undesirable after we have babies ... I know my H thinks that though he won't outright say it).
You know it's innocent so you shouldn't feel bad at all. I think your response was brilliant ... let him guess. I agree you had no need to defend it, and the sarcastic response (which would have been my first thing to do) doesn't really do much at all. This is so much better.I hope you have a good week, you sound really good and love the PMA, though I know it hurts.
**praying for a cute D-ed guy to enter my life ... lol**
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
I wanted to say hi, and show you some support. I know this has been terribly tough for you, the entire process. It is very tough for all of us. You are very strong. I admire you for that.
I feel that you are turning a corner, but you aren't quite there. I say this because of some of the small things you say or make note of. Do you feel that your decision to divorce is final? Do you feel that you have (honestly) detached completely? I know I haven't, even though I am harboring so many of the same thoughts and feelings as you are. I just hope you are fully ready to drop the rope.
And, SP, good to hear from you!! You are right that this journey has been incredibly hard. I have turned a corner, but I am having a hard time digesting the fact that my marriage is over.
No, I am not completely detached. However, I have come to full acceptance of what IS. And, so I am ready in that regard. My mind knows what needs to happen so that I can move forward, but my emotions are lagging behind.
Today-- I was getting ready to go out w a GF when H came over to hang out w the boys. He payed me a genuine "You look good" compliment. I didn't get too excited but it was nice to hear a real compliment.
H said he wanted to ask me something but didn't want to open a can of worms before I went out...I'm glad he didn't. I wonder if he was about the texts he noticed from cute D'ed guy yesterday.
Got manicure/pedicure & now am ready to meet w my DBing friends tomorrow in Boston. Waaaaaa-hoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
You are right that this journey has been incredibly hard. I have turned a corner, but I am having a hard time digesting the fact that my marriage is over.
I am right there with you. You and I can both see what has happened in our relationships, and we realize it is not likely going to turn around. But at the same time, it is so hard to let go. Stay strong and keep busy, GTO. I keep reminding myself to do that same. It will eventually pass, and things will get better. I am just now starting to believe that.
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
No, I am not completely detached. However, I have come to full acceptance of what IS. And, so I am ready in that regard. My mind knows what needs to happen so that I can move forward, but my emotions are lagging behind.
That definitely seems par for the course. I think most of us realize well in advance, before our hearts ever catch up.
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
Today-- I was getting ready to go out w a GF when H came over to hang out w the boys. He payed me a genuine "You look good" compliment. I didn't get too excited but it was nice to hear a real compliment.
H said he wanted to ask me something but didn't want to open a can of worms before I went out...I'm glad he didn't. I wonder if he was about the texts he noticed from cute D'ed guy yesterday.
I will be interested to hear what he has to ask. It might be something he is requesting, hence the nice compliment to soften you up.
I am very happy to hear that you and some other DBers are getting a chance to meet up and share some good times....JEALOUS!!!
