It occured to me while reading your post that the argument you guys have about one action nulling the rest hits home a bit for me. I believe I have felt that way at times. As silly or difficult as it may seem now, maybe you can try to make an effort to acknowledge her positive action "baby steps" as they occur so that when a hurtful look or comment does happen she can't use that reasoning anymore. Make sense?
About 2 weeks after things were improving in our bedroom, and we had been ML at least every other day, H and I had an argument and in the heat of it he stated that having more sex doesn't make everything else go away and erase the way he's been hurting over the past few years. Of course I took it as him thinking I was JUST having more SEX with him and got upset that all of my baby steps were seemingly nulled by a disagreement. Generally speaking, more frequent sex or even showing more affection takes effort for the LD spouse; it doesn't necessarily come naturally. I had mentioned in one of my posts on the board that he has been emailing here and there with little egreetings and notes which work as acknowledgements of my efforts. I honestly believe our disagreement coupled with the sex statement would have put out my desire to try if he had not been acknowledging my efforts along the way. You can't just notice and enjoy the baby steps with some people! They need the acknowledgement and over time it won't be such a big deal, because you'll end up acknowledging sexual efforts
I hope you can follow my thinking. This all brings me back to the romance though... how are you supposed to acknowledge without sounding holier-than-thou rather than romancing her? I recall her having a thing about romance. You weren't kidding when you said you choose challenging women!
If your confidence is what attracted her to you then it will again. However, there is a fine line between confidence and a holier-than-thou approach. After all, you're both lawyers! Is it possible that she feels like you need to help out more with the baby? Maybe she views her (newly added) mother role as somehow inferior to you and would rather the responsibility be more equal. Does she typically get DD up and to daycare, and pick her up after work? Judging by your posts, I seem to think you're probably very helpful. I was just thinking out loud I guess!
Think back to "the early days" and find out what you were doing differently. Can you see anything that you do that can be taken as holier-than-thou? As for her hang up on how to be approached for ML, did you always respect the hang up and approach her the way she preferred? Have you ever discussed the hang up?
