Thanks for all the comments and support - even yours Mr BOND. I have been all over the place the last week.
My W finally got served. She didn't even mention it. I had to ask. Her reply was "I received some legal documents, but haven't had time to look at them". We are headed toward a potentially bitter D, neither of us know where we will be living next year, or how we are going to share parenting/custody of the kids. Our life is going to be completely torn down and rebuilt, and she acts like it is nothing.
My kids are really struggling. They feel unloved and are acting out. I am trying to be there for them, but I can't replace their Mom.
My W has 3 trips planned for this summer (5 weeks total). She is 100% dedicated to work from Jan - April, and is only home Sunday night. She works Mon-Thurs during the day. In the evenings, she works out Mon, Wed, and Friday and goes out Tue, Sat. When she is home, her nose is buried in her smart phone.
She is completely oblivious to the feelings of abandonment and anxiety that my kids are feeling. She isn't around enough to really notice. And when she is around, my kids are so excited to see her, that for a short time they seem OK.
D14 has discovered boys and is realizing her own sexuality. She wears grossly inappropriate clothes. My W has been leaving her home alone all day when she goes to work, or runs errands. If she is not left alone, she gets dropped off at a friends house that I don't approve of. In either case, she goes through her days completely unsupervised. I have to put a stop to this, but I am not sure how.
I have been trying to call her and facebook message her every day to let her know that she is loved and that I am thinking about her. But, this is a sorry substitute for having a real family.
Are your kids in counseling? If not I think it would be a very good idea to get them in now so that they have a third party professional who they feel safe venting to and discussing issues regarding what is going on in the family. They need that outlet to release the stress they are under. It may also help them (especially D14) avoid making choices they (and you) may regret later on. Sorry if you have already addressed this before but I don't remember seeing it in your posts.
Sorry you are in such a difficult spot. Hopefully your W gets whatever it is out of her system sooner rather than later.
I see a counselor, and he has seen my 2 older kids once. One of the problems in my family is that we are grossly over-scheduled. My W self medicates with busyness.
Last night, I had planned on taking my Daughters to counseling, but it interfered with girl scouts and cheerleading practice. My W doesn't think anything is wrong and that counseling is a waste of time. We got into an argument, and the kids went to their activities and not counseling.
I need to make this a priority and be more assertive about what I think my kids need.
I have another session scheduled for next Tuesday.
I came home from work yesterday and D6 was sitting on the computer, D12 was in her room. Apparently my W had dropped them off at home @ 12:30 and then left. I got home from work @ 5:00. 4.5 hours left alone and unsupervised.
The day before, D14 was left home alone all day.
I realize that D12 is old enough to be left alone and to watch her sister. But, this is a lot to ask a 12 yr old and over time, I just see them getting into a lot of trouble and feeling neglected. I have arranged with a family friend to come and get the kids the next time they are left alone like this.
I hope you are documenting all of this. It will be very beneficial to have if you decide to go for full custody or if she tries to gain full custody, as it shows neglect in my opinion.
Be careful about using this site as a means of documenting. If either L finds out about it, they can have all your posts and you might want to avoid anything that might come back in her favor.
I would advise using the time stamps as YOUR means of keeping things straight, but put it in a separate journal of sorts.
There have been posters in the past whose former spouses found out about this site, and although the premise is to save the marriage, stuff was said that didn't help in the dissolution of finances if you get my drift.
Good luck.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Proud of myself today. Ran 13 miles. First 1/2 marathon I have ever done. Unfortunately, my GPS battery died @ 11 miles, so I don't know what my time was. I have a feeling I am going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow.
