I have no idea what I'm doing

[RealityTrip]

I'm just going to put this out there... and listen.

Yesterday was a predetermined day for W and I to discuss some finances. When she called we spoke about the finaces that we needed to and then I proceeded to end the conversation. She interrupted and asked if I had a few more minutes for some other things. "Sure." I still had my financial note pad so I took notes.

W- Dog1 is not doing well. I am taking him to get groomed on Monday and I'm hoping it will make him feel better but he is being very aggressive. He is hiding under the bed. He is being very mean and snippy. He's not happy. I don't understand. He's been here before and been fine but he's not himself. I wanted to talk to you about taking him until a later date.

M - A later date? When is that?

W- I don't know.

M - I would like to think about it. Dog2 and I are adjusting to him being gone and I'm worried about having him here indefinitely and then me, Dog1, and Dog2 going through separation again at a later date.

W- I'm going to be honest with you. It's not working. I don't think AP and I are going to work out. Here's the thing, and you may not even care anymore. And I want to be careful what I say. I don't want to give you false hope. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I think I made a mistake. I big mistake.

(now she is crying)

M- Don't cry. You'll be ok. It was fine to talk to me. I understand that the M and the A are not dependant on each other. The breakdown of one does not mean the success of the other. I don't carry false hope.

W- I miss you. I just miss you. I went to see a therapist. I don't know what's wrong with me.

M- I'm glad you took that step for yourself.

W- If something doesn't change in the next couple of weeks I'm probably going to end up at my brothers. (pause) Or ask to come home. I just don't know if home is an option for me anymore.

M- W, I have tried to make it clear that D wasn't what I wanted. But if you're asking me if in a few weeks I would let you come home I can't tell you that. That is a What If and I only know what is. I can tell you that if you asked me today I would say no. I have some work to do on myself. I need to be whole again before I can be with anyone.

W- You are amazing RT. I wish I had your strength. What do I do?

M- That's for you to decide W. Maybe go to your brother's to take some time for yourself and focus on you. If you do I hope you continue your therapy there. It really does help. As a matter of fact I have an appt. with my therapist in about an hour so I do have to go.

W- Thank you for talking to me. Can I talk to you again?

M- Sure. You can always call me.

W- I know this is going to sound stupid but, I love you RT.

M- It's not stupid to share your feelings. Know that I love you too. Take care of yourself.

W- I'm trying.

M- Bye

W- Bye