hey, ruby, I will pass the whole "calling in sick" thing to Tori, in case she doesn't come on here the next two days...but I think she is dedicated to doing what she needs to do on Friday.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
So THAT'S what became of xGF, she found herself another fella. Did your H seem upset about this Ruby? You and your H have such a "different" relationship than the rest of us here, I am always anxious to log on and hear the latest update!
I'm glad you had fun alone together! Manipulation free! Do you feel that your H is learning the lesson and moving forward, or is he still in the Rinse-Repeat cycle?
I can see you moving forward! Have a great time tomorrow!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
WOW! Valeska's comments about manipulation through giving spouse information to process really struck a chord. This has been a pattern of mine too subtle for me to see until now.
Also, Kate, I took on a similar role with my husband in pulling away in my marriage because I thought it was what he wanted from me. Grave and stupid mistake on my part, but true none the less. But then again, I don't think my H was in a place to make a strong emotional connection with me, so it feels a little like the chicken/egg cycle.
Thank you for the insights and for the challenge to question myself about why I permitted the emotional detachment in my M. More work to do.
Wonka has all the potion she needs, she just hasn''t used it yet
Hey, Ruby, thanks for letting me 'borrow' [steal] some of your secret make-out potion! I plan on using it some day VERY soon.
I do want to comment on Val's thoughts on manipulation. Michele wrote a good summary of manipulation in the DR book. It depends on the intent behind it. We do it every day without awareness and some with awareness. It isn't all bad if used for the greater good or to achieve a positive goal. It is a matter of perspective, what's the end goal, and the purpose behind the process.
Potion away Wonka !! Not using it Anytime soon lol!! I agree with the manipulation aspect. It's why I have called myself out on it. In order to recognize those situations and look a little harder at my actions.
Huge text convo with H. This morning. The gist that he apologizes for blaming me for his behavior in the marriage that it was his trying to meet expectations of what he thought he should be. What his parents were and then resented himself and me. I said it takes two in a marriage and I was constantly trying to be someone I wasn't. It was good
H started seeing new woman literally the same week as dear John letter. Is there such thing as a rebound rebound lol?? I know he did it out of spite and hurt and the inability to be alone or I don't know cuz I am not him lol.
This, H says, is a woman, like me. Xgf was a child. That he likes where his life is going now etc etc. new person (np) knows we Re best friends because h explained at first ( insert eye roll lmfao)
I warned h that xgf was gonna try again for him. H says his friends said same thing. Especially now that he is seeing someone else and told her . I also gave him notice that when he threw away our friendship the last time I had to re evaluate what being friends meant.
Because friends don't do that to friends. His best friend said the same to him advised him to rebuild our relationship. What is the third time rule again? The boy is running out of numbers.
I told h that I had to open up in order to accept his path and the way he is traveling it. That being emotionally an open book is very new to me and that if I ask too much to tell me.
He said for now he is good although. I am staying over on Sunday and h says basically but don't tell anyone. I said kids know where I am and besides that who would I tell? I just say am staying in city. Reason I am staying is we see a concert Sunday late and I have class early Monday. H asked if I would like to switch once a week for my classes. I said I was good
My update. We went into a few other things but he said that the person I am now is the person I was always meant to be. He sees that and trusts that when I say or do things I have no ulterior motive. I like that. Cuz I don't.
So THAT'S what became of xGF, she found herself another fella. Did your H seem upset about this Ruby? You and your H have such a "different" relationship than the rest of us here, I am always anxious to log on and hear the latest update!
I'm glad you had fun alone together! Manipulation free! Do you feel that your H is learning the lesson and moving forward, or is he still in the Rinse-Repeat cycle?
I can see you moving forward! Have a great time tomorrow!
He is good he says it was a mistake that he Learned from. Be interesting when she and current guy don't Pan out. Not my path though
Rinse and repeat? In the way that I think he is not good with just him and for the first time In a while women find him attractive and he is saying basically wth and diving in? Yup. But h is self Confessed cant sleep with someone unless he is committed or doesn't care At all lol so to get some he is low on choices lol.
