Run and hide your crazy

[mizjjd]

I liken it to resignation and taking a deep breath before a plunge into cold water.

Very nice analogy Portia. I absolutely HATE cold water! Lol

Separate bedrooms? No such thing in my house. All are occupied.

Equally clear to me is that he has no intention of changing. Agreed. And I think that is the worst. I understand mistakes. I understand struggling, and I understand temptation. I don't understand "Oh well." H did apologize, said he was sorry I was hurt. I told him I didn't feel that was genuine because if one is sorry then one at least attempts to STOP whatever the offense is.

A sad part of the conversation was when I asked H if he "wanted" to be a better H. He said he didn't know if he could be. No, I said, do you WANT to be? He then said he didn't know. I told him that answer was not something I could live with.

Portia has written an insightful posting

Well of course she has! That's the way my girl rolls!

He knows that he's got it good and he also thinks that you will not put him out or leave because of your children.
Idk how exactly I would "put him out". I've asked him to leave 4 separate times... don't mean to scare Dawn here... but the man won't go. (Maybe I should write another letter to OW's H ) And I really don't have anyplace to go. There is one friend who has offered her spare room, but the town she lives in would add 50 miles per day to my commute and I'd have to continue putting money toward the bills here or the house would STOP. Neither of us by ourselves can maintain the family. So I'm stuck. For now.

When I got home from work today H grabbed my arm and sat me down on the couch. "I've been thinking about what you said, about how I don't respect you. Well, I respect you enough to not be willing to leave you financially needy. I just won't do that to you. So that's something, that's some kind of respect." I was reticent, but made noises of agreement that what he stated was at the least not a bad thing. He went on, "And that number I gave you? It was wrong. I was under pressure and couldn't think straight. Its actually only 4 or 5." For this one I just blinked at him, a little confused. I asked, "What? Why? Why would you say that?"
H insisted, "You were pressuring me! It was just the first number I thought of!"

Finally I said, "H, that is possibly the most stupid thing you have done in quite some time."

Well THAT made him mad, lol. Off he stomped in a huff. The number doesn't really matter anyway. It can't matter because I can never know the truth of it. If I go by what he says, (not that I am inclined to really do so, just playing devil's advocate) those OW were one-nighters and they happened 12 or more years ago. Since that time there has been plenty of spooning, and even a fair amount of forking so the ick factor is really in my head. Kind of like learning someone died on the sofa you've had for years? Lol, idk. No, what my real problem has to be right now is current OW. H couldn't do anything about the past OW even if he wanted to.

In one of our prior R talks I told H then that as long as OW is part of his life, I am not interested in being his wife. That has not changed. I think he really intended last night's talk to make me feel better. That's why he stressed that he "has no plans to leave." I wonder if he has any idea how much in the other direction his talk sent me.

he is self-centred and feels he is entitled.

he's not only self-centered by may like to be in control
Gee ladies, what are you trying to say?!?

Ok, one last bit about the talk. A bit I found so ludicrous that I really wished there was a witness. H explained how I just never listen to him. For example, (and he is right, this sitch has happened) if I'm at the store and I call him to see if he wants anything, and say maybe he wants a snickers bar. But then, the store's out of snickers. So I get him a kit-kat. And when I get home with the kit-kat, he refuses to even take it, because that's not what he asked for. I shouldn't try to substitute, I should just get him what he asked for or nothing at all. H went on to say that when he's with people who are grousing about their wives he often shares this story. I am holding my head lest it pop apart, and ask, "You do? What do people think of your story of me bringing the wrong candy bar to you?"

H says, "Well, I tell it funny of course, so they laugh."

~~~take my h
no really,
please take my h!

Didn't get my review today - things came up. Supposed to be tomorrow. I doubt I'll get a bonus, but maybe a wee raise?

I'm feeling at peace right now. Might have something to do with the fact that H just left with the twins for a 4 day visit to the ILs

Cheers!! Good night!! Take care!! Thanks for stopping by!!