The question does not serve to bring her closer to me. I should know better but this all still hurts quite a lot. I am cycling in and out of acceptance right now. I understand that she is done and I need to let her go.
Because I still love her, it hurts to know that she is leaving me. I know I am not detached (at all, or at least not as much as I think I am) I only act AsIf I am. It is so hard for me to let go.
Thank you for pointing that out to me. It serves no purpose to ask her these kinds of questions other than my own curiosity. I try to look for signs that she is having second thoughts about her decision but, deep down in my heart, I feel that she is done with us and our M for good. They say to look for the little positive signs. I am not very good at interpreting her signs and signals because I am biased towards our M working out.
I just cant accept it 100% for some reason. Probably because of the DBing to some extent. I try to be the man she would be a fool to leave with the hopes of her coming back to me. That is where I think I am going wrong. That line between detachment and letting go is hard for me to wrap my head around.
Any advice on how to walk that line between detachment and letting go?
Journaling:
Just got off the phone with my son about an hour ago. W took kids to the library at around 7:15pm and my son said that they ran into divorced-dad. W has an uncanny ability to run into him everywhere when I am out of town. I really need to let this go and understand that there is a very strong chance that they will end up together when we are D (if they are not already). I don't spy on her, per Sandi's 37 rules, so I have no confirmation of this. Its a hard pill to swallow.
Thanks for checking in on me.
By the way, my MC says I am coping exceptionally well with this situation. Its funny in a way because I don't think I am doing a great job at this. Maybe a good job, but not great. I cant tell from my point of view.
I do appreciate all of you that take the time to tell me where I backslide. That helps me the most to make better decisions in the future.
