What you say is that he cannot tell you what you want and yes you refute it if that's not what you want. I did two years ago ... there was no way I was going to agree to see other people. Now that didnt change his mind or actions. So the result may not be what you want. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's incredibly painful and difficult. Try to stick to basic DB techniques. So in your case Id refute on your behalf but then you can't invalidate his feelings (for himself) or argue, beg, plead, cry etc. does that make sense?
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
It does...debating between saying anything at all and just letting it go. I mean I've been pretty desperate up until now and I think he knows I want it to work for more than just D, even though he said that. And isn't 180 and GAL all about moving on and accepting what they've said even if you don't like it? So maybe moving on and making him wonder will be good?
Me: 26 H: 28 T:8 M:5 D:2 BD:4/1/13 Separated 6/6/13 Filed separation 6/21/13 Waiting for D papers to be served, H says filed
Yeah I debate that too forlovesake. Maybe I should do more of the moving on and making him wonder. But I know for me right now I wouldn't be able to handle it if he called my bluff. Because for me right now it would be a bluff. I have given myself a personal deadline of January 2014, only because I cannot live in limbo indefinitely and eventually it's best for all involved to move on. (besides theres' a one year waiting period for divorces to be finalized where I live so it gives us time to work on things still ...)
You may choose not to say anything, I just wouldn't agree with it if I were you. Not that it changes what he may do. You're also in a totally diff space than I am. EA is confirmed, right? And you guys actually filed S and you are waiting to be served with D papers. Maybe the vets can chime in here ... I don't want to mislead you.
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
It very well could be more of the same..he hates R talk and might see it that way. However, he also has the notion that I never really liked him and more just liked being married and living the American Dream, and I want him to feel valued and know that's not true.
Me: 26 H: 28 T:8 M:5 D:2 BD:4/1/13 Separated 6/6/13 Filed separation 6/21/13 Waiting for D papers to be served, H says filed
Yes veterans. Meaning veteran DBers ( i e - people with more experience and possibly good ones who can help you more than i can bc I'm new at this too).
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
I've been thinking about what you sent yesterday. I'm sorry that you feel my only intention to make things work is for D's sake, rather than out of love for you. It was out of my commitment to our marriage that I asked ex to stop communicating with me, even though this was a purely platonic and very limited relationship.
I wouldn't explain anything about the ex. The more you deny it the more it gives it life.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I am not a pro...I do think the beginning is ok. He is relationship testing. After that, you must let it go.
I know you are very new to the site, have you read the books? When you first start DBing, we do it just to save our M and it really seems like a game to get our S back. However, once you really start to understand detaching, and really start to look at your own behaviors, you will start to get it.
EA - if it has been going on for months it is most likely PA. I'm sorry, I told my H for 2 months it was an EA and it had been a PA from day one. We weren't having sex from day one but we were kissing and hanging out for weeks and then the sex came.
Your d...
as far as her medical condition, I suggest looking for a support group. I have a s w/one and I am on two private fb groups and have met people from all over the world who have children with this rare condition. It is so helpful to share info and learn from each other - just like this site.
as far as her being his priority, how he spends his time with her, etc. You cannot control that and if you try to it will hurt your M even further.
What your H needs to see is your growth, your PMA and your GAL.
You can do this!!
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
