Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[reachingHigher]

I'm just curious, because this is where I am at right now. My H has stopped relying on home for his meals, and has started doing his own laundry saying it's because I already do too much, and he is talking about opening his own bank account.

I too take that as really distancing himself to me and our home, and at the same time he talks to EA every single day, buys her dinner and takes her on drives. So I gave him a date of 9/1 to move out.

Your story is on it's way upward, did you have any idea you would be were your at now?

Hi Dawn!

I apologize that it has been a very long time since I looked at your thread. As my sitch started getting better and H spending more time with me, I had to cut down on how much time I spend here. But that's good, right?

I'll just answer what I know...not things I don't know...such as what you should do

Initially at your question my first thought was...I never guessed I would be here, but that isn't really accurate.

Let me make an analogy.

About 17 years ago I had a very big major surgery that lasted five hours and had like 250 sitches. (Hidden under clothes) H & I (just dating at the time) were worried about scars. How would my body scar and look years later?

The doc said to look at how my body had handled scars in the past and expect that same result. And he was right.

So.....in my sitch (with some help of my friends here) I looked at how my H had handled major decisions in the past. If it was a decision that he was pressuring me into...he had repeated behavior of pushing me into agreement and then at the eleventh hour...backing out.

So there was this suspicion (T^2 helped with this...from a guy's perspective) that I should go along with H (also DB coach said the same) and know he might not go through with it. That is exactly what happened and H has the satisfaction of knowing I was willing to go the distance. I think it has helped on a rapid recovery as "control" was a big issue with him and me -- stemming from problems with his mom.

My H had no known PA but did have a mild EA, of his own admission. But he was addicted to alcohol and partying and the idea of being "available" to any woman. It was a dream he had to give up for himself in order to come back with me.

Also, for me, while he was out, I concentrated a lot on physical appearances. He was out of the house in March of 2012 and I could always look my best when I saw him. And I did. And he liked it. And he missed it.

So back to your sitch. I'm no fortune teller but I can say that you could look at your H's past history in decision making. Any comparisons to this sitch you are in? (I used monetary purchases for my comparisons).

Also, before he moved out, I lived with my H as a live-in MLCer for six months although I didn't know the term at the time. He went out three nights a week. I didn't know with who or where. He typically came home between 11:30 pm and 1 am and immediately showered. Did the phone-hiding thing, separated our accounts, etc.

You know we got within a week of D in December 2012. So we were basically totally separated. I got his stuff out of the house and gave it to him and I filed in November of 2012. But only b/c he pressured me to D. So basically he never signed the papers and they are still waiting to be signed at the L's office.

I wish I could help. I am willing to share my story but I know all MLCers share some things but are also have differences.

I'll be happy to answer anything else or explain things that aren't clear. I wish you the very, very best

rH

P.S. I always tried to "follow his lead" and that's how I got here. It svcks, I know, but now he has been treating me like a queen. Heck, I deserve it, right? Lol!!!