Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

At least I knew it was coming. Saw XH on Sun and Mon to see SS before he went back home and it brought back all my sad feelings.

When I don't speak with or see XH for long periods of time, I occupy myself with my own stuff and feel pretty confident that I can move on.

But after spending time with him, it just comes back to me that if I'm truly honest with myself and could have the outcome of my dreams, it would be that XH would want to try again to salvage our R.

On Sun, XH's plans were a little messed up. He'd planned to leave me and SS to go to a pool, while he went with a female friend and one of his two girlfriends to another pool. Unfortunately, that pool was extremely busy, so his friend said that SS and I should stay with them.

The women had three kids with them and I knew SS would have more fun with them than just me, so I offered to let him play and I'd see him some other time. I didn't want to force SS to choose between me and other kids.

It was a little strange to see XH's gf. I know he's been talking to her since early May, at least, but at least he'd filed for D, so I guess it could be much worse. The hardest thing is that she has the same name as me and is also a pale redhead. [censored] to feel like I'm being replaced by a lesser version of me.

Her two daughters, 12 and 15-16?, are horribly behaved and his friend said that he should break up with her soon because XH won't put up with that and is just wasting her time.

All I said was that if he knew it wouldn't work, because he wanted a family and doesn't agree with her parenting style because she's a total pushover, it's better to stop things now before she gets even more attached.

I think what really hurts is that even though XH says he's not serious about the girlfriends, he's seen them this past month when he had his son with him. My SS needs XH to be a good example of how to be a man and I don't think this is it.

And I know that SS knows that something isn't quite right. His bday is next Saturday and I'd given him his gift (a lego treehouse) on Sunday just in case I don't get to go to his party. When I was there on Mon, he had an itunes gift card and was saying that he still had money on it.

I wasn't thinking and asked if he got it for his bday. He said that (my name) had given it to him and then almost seemed to backtrack and said that the legos were his favorite gift. I love that kid so much and feel bad that he knows that this isn't normal.

Ok, I'm off to work, so I'll cut this short. Ha!