An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III

[subguy]

Thanks hot wheels and planet, hope things are looking up for you two.

Forgiveness and my journey to figure out what that looks like. I had an eye opening experience about forgiveness, it's long and complicated and I'll just cut to the chase. I had a hard time seeing what forgiveness looked like, how would i feel, act and be. I've never been hurt this bad before and it took a lot of soul searching, prayer, and a big dose of divine guidance. Here is my view on forgiveness.

Forgive and forget: that's a lie told by the devil to keep us confused, angry and hurt. We will never be able to forget and that's okay. Being able to remember hurts and pain is a protective instinct or else we would continually put our fingers in a light socket and get shocked. So I had to drop the notion that I would "forget" the pain and accept it.

Hurts: Even though I have forgiven my STBX I still hurt over the loss of my marriage. I had the notion that forgiving meant I had to no longer be hurt and that kept me stuck. It's okay that I hurt and grieve the loss of my marriage.

boundaries: Forgiveness does not mean I allow myself to continue to be hurt by this person. Protect yourself, set up boundaries and heal. All of this can be done in a way that minimizes the pain inflicted upon the other person and allows me the time and space to heal.

Friendship: I do not have to be friends with the person that I am forgiving. If I am able to forge or rekindle a friendship with the person than that is a bonus but not necessary.

So... with that said what does forgiveness look like to me? It's the releasing of the anger and the feeling of a need for retribution, not having the desire to punish or see the other person hurt because of my pain. This realization has allowed me to be free of the constant image loop in my head that I had to replay to stoke the need for retribution. Freedom for me is what forgiveness looks like. I have truly set her free and now look forward to what my life ahead has to offer.