I’m journaling but not getting much feedback even though people are reading.
Anyway the front row seat to I have to W’s new life shows me that she’s actually in an intense couples relationship with OM,I know they are in a honeymoon period but its a lot more than I expected. I mean she’s skipped work a couple of times this week and was prepared to miss D11’s school party to with hotel up with this guy. All I can see on the washing line are all sorts of new underwear and other things I’ve seen tell me this is more than a simple knock off .
The realisation that I had today was stop being sad, this is not your wife with OM, it’s his wife and I’m just getting in their way. So forget any hopes of a miracle or last minute reconciliation. Get up and move on.
The legal process is on going and my latest realisation tells me I need to do all I can to up speed the process without leaving myself open to financial ruin.
My weekend plans are the same, however I’ve decided to include some cooking for myself on Saturday.
Friday I had a good chat with my brother who is doing his best to keep in a PMA frame of mind.
Saturday D11 went off to her camping trip, so I went ahead fixed the boiler, how I ever left that leak for 3 years I’ll never know. I didn’t take my evening bike ride but I visited my sister and later W brother who I still remain friends with.
Sunday morning I took the early church service, todays theme was the lords prayer which I say so many times each day. After that I went straight into boot camp. The exercises were tough and I managed to hit 176 my maximum heart rate so I know I worked hard. More people are commenting on my apparent weight loss, but when I go on the scales I haven’t lost much but my body definitely has reshaped.
W stuck around this weekend and her behaviour reminded me more of the times when the bomb dropped and I was in newcomers. Sunday morning she left the house at 5am and returned @ 8am, (I think that is called an AM booty call). Any way I reminded myself she is not my wife she is just the person I am divorcing.
Sunday evening I had dinner with my niece and other family members, that was really good for me seeing so many people offering me words of encouragement and support.
So deep breath, more prayers and steel myself for the week ahead.
W picked D11 up from her camping trip. When I got home W was busy with laundry, D11 was in the other room (I really missed her this weekend). I spent some time with D11 listening to her camping stories she had a fun time.
However when W went out to get some fast food, D11 confided to me that W was angry with her because she didn’t run up to her and give her a big hug when she arrived. D said W said things like “you must be ashamed of me if you can’t give me a hug” and “ You treat me like sh*t” and “you’re a difficult young girl to handle”. Listening to that spew I can remember W firing such lines at me. I just had to give D a hug and explain that W was going through a difficult time and we both had to maintain politeness and courtesy to her in spite of anything she say to us. W returned with D11’s happy meal for which she thanked her, W just totally ignored the gesture.
I’ve been googling ”how to survive W MLC and MLC affair” I’ve read lots of tips, some I knew others very helpful. Bottom line is ignore W, ignore the affair which is born of escapism, loose the anger, look after yourself, look after D11. Lots of other things but it all tells me to get up and get on with life, my life.
In terms of looking after me I am still getting support from family, my nieces are telling me to start fixing myself up in readiness for the time when I’m going out and dating, in fact I am having dinner with 2 of them tomorrow where they are going to unveil the start of “Lanzo’s daytime collection”. My money is tight but each month I am going to buy something new even if its just a pair of socks (That’s probably all I’ll be able to afford after the D).
(Funny typo, too. I'm pretty sure you meant to say "I'm not saying sleep around.")
Don't worry about what undies are on the line, just do your best to ignore, not react. You will keep wanting that miracle, don't let the "what if?" overwhelm you. I kept reading things into all my X's actions. In retrospect I think every kindness I perceived him to have granted me in the past two years has just been him placating me for his own comfort.
They moved on a long time ago. They were done being married and we weren't. All we can do is take this at our own pace.
Take care of you. Detach as much as you can. Aloha!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I think we’ve established that I need to grieve and move on but I can't do that while W and I are s still in the same house.
That situation is not likely to change until the D is final. My inner turmoils are fuelled by this, I need space and have reality hit me so I can grieve.
WenikiTiki, you are spot on with your assessment and have highlighted my inner turmoil
Originally Posted By: WenikiTiki
Don't worry about what undies are on the line, just do your best to ignore, not react. You will keep wanting that miracle, don't let the "what if?" overwhelm you. I kept reading things into all my X's actions. In retrospect I think every kindness I perceived him to have granted me in the past two years has just been him placating me for his own comfort.They moved on a long time ago. They were done being married and we weren't.
I know I struggle with lust. I am very attracted to my wife and have so many wonderful memories of being with her. It makes it very hard to move on and detach while living in the same house.
I think as men we are just wired this way. Based on your prior comments, you seem to have this same problem. Hopefully, once the D is final and the living situation changes, this will be much easier.
W isn’t mine, hasn’t been mine for a long time but I can’t help looking and thinking what was, especially as there hasn’t been anyone else for me in all that time.
W txt me to say she taking D11 away on a short break holiday on Sunday and asked me not to mention it to D as it was a surprise. I have no problem with that. I hope no OM involve, but I know I’ll have little control over that in the future.
So while they are away I’ve set out a few tasks around the house I want to complete, that should keep me busy for a while.
Originally Posted By: WenikiTaki
don't let the "what ifs?" over whelm you
I read back on my 2008 – 2010 piecing threads and all those "what if’s" and I concluded I did everything I could and more. Even to the point of asking for a D in 2008 only for W to say No we need to work on things.
