Portia has written an insightful posting and I agree w/what she's posted. You are the only one that can decide whether to stay or do something different, i.e., separate bedrooms, etc.
I agree that your h is very set in his ways and he's not only self-centered by may like to be in control. He knows that he's got it good and he also thinks that you will not put him out or leave because of your children. I think his empathy chip was broken a long time ago and he can't or doesn't want to see how much you are hurting. He tends to turn a blind eye to the hurt that he's causing and maybe that's how he's coped all of these years is by doing so.
I do hope you continue to enjoy your job and review, in turn, provides you w/a bonus. You are a good woman who deserves only the very best that life has to offer. You've put up w/a lot over the years and I'm only sorry that he can't see what a wonderful person that you are. He's a lucky man that you've stood by him and continue to do so.
All I ask is that you please take care of yourself. You have been under a lot of stress and I would hate to see you become ill from it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
