No the W did not confess yet. She emailed me that she is “going under the premise that we are taking a moment. Not preparing for official steps. I don’t want to be blindsided.” I replied that yes we are taking a moment and no I will not blindside her. I didn’t ask for any such reassurance from her – with the all the lies it would be meaningless anyway.
We have communicated alot about drop-off/pick-up of the girls to summer camp because we have no set schedule. She has also asked to come by on Sunday to talk, but in a vague way.
Last night I realized that my W is in the midst of a full-blown MLC and that she will likely NOT come home. The shock of kicking her out is not going to substantially change things.
I don't think she will confess or apologize at this point.
I do think she has unreasonable expectations about how a separation is going to be. Based on her texts and emails about the girls, it seems she thinks that she'll be able to see them at her leisure without much responsibility for doing all the daily stuff like preparing meals, shopping, etc. Since I don’t expect her to confess, apologize, and return home – I need to think about what I want from the separation.
I was thinking I would tell her that the girls would stay with me 4 nights/week and with her 3 nights/week and that we would alternate weekends. I will make clear to her that I do not expect her to spend time at our house – she no longer lives there. She cannot come and go as she pleases. I was also thinking that it is prudent at this point to split our bank account in half. We have a joint account, and I was going to split it evenly and tell her to only spend from her half. We also have two credit cards, so the same thing: one for her and one for me. My W has spent freely over the past 6 months, I’m not sure she realizes how having two households will make both of us much poorer.
I’m open to any advice on how to make a separation work.
I have a strong feeling that I will have the girls almost 100% of the time. The last time she mentioned about moving out for space, she had mentioned a nice apartment with a single bedroom, kitchenette, and bath that had 500 sq ft. Didn’t sound like she thought our 3 girls would ever spend time there.
