Are your kids in counseling? If not I think it would be a very good idea to get them in now so that they have a third party professional who they feel safe venting to and discussing issues regarding what is going on in the family. They need that outlet to release the stress they are under. It may also help them (especially D14) avoid making choices they (and you) may regret later on. Sorry if you have already addressed this before but I don't remember seeing it in your posts.
Sorry you are in such a difficult spot. Hopefully your W gets whatever it is out of her system sooner rather than later.
