DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[Mimi00]

I can relate to how you felt when you woke up in the middle of the night having negative thoughts after dreaming of your H too Mimi. I was having such dreams recently about my W too. As much as i do not want them to occur, it seemed that only in my dreams, i am only able to see my W! (ironic isn't it for me)

Yeah, it was an odd dream though. I didn't mind it, just the fact it didn't make much sense.

This is where I got to and am probably a couple of steps past it. Yes, I agree strong marriages can be had but it takes both sides to make it happen. It is also a commitment for it to be a continuing process.

Exactly.

I can speak from my own experience how getting so far and stopping the growth was detrimental to my M. If I had applied the same thought pattern I have for my work to my M then I would have been better off. I am constantly looking to improve my skills in my field. yet, when it came to my M... not so much.

However, looking back with a new outlook, I can also see that I was ill-equipped to do much more than I was doing. DBing maybe common sense stuff but, for me, it put it in terms that I understood. I got it. Only took several sharp blows from various implements applied firmly to my head...

Yes, many of the books I read, the advice seems so common sense. I am like why didn't I do these things?!? But they are honestly things I NEVER thought to do.

When my H was here last month, I told him I've gained a lot of knowledge through reading and how I now realize I didn't have many of the proper tools to have a healthy marriage, but now I do. I then asked if he thinks he had/has the proper tools to make a marriage work? He responded "the resources have always been there but we (mainly me) didn't take advantage of them"........

Books on divorce/separation are what really helped me, they actually show you yourself and have the steps and things you need to do to help your marriage... divorce wasn't on my radar so how would I have know to use that resource? *sigh*

But of course... I validated him and moved on. lol