Tell us more about the degree goal. Furthering you education is the #1 way to grow ,strengthen, and change.
How are you doing spending time by yourself? I see your keeping busy. As you know I was afraid to be with me-alone, not working on a project. After multiple attempts Im doing better. Ive found that my self confidence and esteem has grown equal to how comfortable ive become with me.
It sounds so pathetic- but many overlook this piece in the rebuild process.
Have fun with T. Sessions are always fun when your fed up with BS
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Awesome job on registering for classes, RT! That's a great GAL! Will help keep you busy while also being beneficial!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
Gracias friends! I am excited to start university. I'm a "mid-lifer' (lol! no pun intended to my MLC SBXW!) but hey!
I joined the full-time workforce right out of high school. Life was very complicated back then with my mom in her own MLC and my dad in his new life with his OW. I was a rebel, independant, and naive. Who needs school? I can take care of myself... and party! I could just SMACK the 18 year old me!
As I got older...I never thought I had the time to go to school. Life got in the way. One of the things my sitch has taught me is that if I can spend HOURS upon HOURS researching my sitch, my W, myself, snooping (not anymore! ) and so on... I have time to go to school! So here I go!
I work for a Fortune 500 company now. One option... further myself in the HR Dept. that my position is linked to... or just see where the course study takes me... So I am seeking my degree in Psychology and Legal Studies. Classes start in 1 month!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
SOOOOOO much wisdom!!! Found this on another thread in a different forum. Originally posted by Cadet.
Puts my head right.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
"Lets say that she is in the middle of her MLC, being that you are divorced right now, could I ask why you would want to try to reconnect with her while she is in crisis.
I mean it is like putting a cake in the oven and wanting to eat it 15 mins later.
She and the cake are not yet baked.
You want her back when she is fully baked not before.
The OM is doing you are favor right now, he is taking care of someone in crisis. So what does that say about him?
Does that make sense?" ~ Cadet
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
SOOOOOO much wisdom!!! Found this on another thread in a different forum. Originally posted by Cadet.
Puts my head right.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
"Lets say that she is in the middle of her MLC, being that you are divorced right now, could I ask why you would want to try to reconnect with her while she is in crisis.
I mean it is like putting a cake in the oven and wanting to eat it 15 mins later.
She and the cake are not yet baked.
You want her back when she is fully baked not before.
The OM is doing you are favor right now, he is taking care of someone in crisis. So what does that say about him?
Does that make sense?" ~ Cadet
I like that a lot!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
I appreciate the reality check Val. I am definitely doing my work. But I also firmly belive my SBXW is in crisis. I've been able to see a pattern with her for the last 3-4 years. SD... I was most definitely drawn to the analogy.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I'm just going to put this out there... and listen.
Yesterday was a predetermined day for W and I to discuss some finances. When she called we spoke about the finaces that we needed to and then I proceeded to end the conversation. She interrupted and asked if I had a few more minutes for some other things. "Sure." I still had my financial note pad so I took notes.
W- Dog1 is not doing well. I am taking him to get groomed on Monday and I'm hoping it will make him feel better but he is being very aggressive. He is hiding under the bed. He is being very mean and snippy. He's not happy. I don't understand. He's been here before and been fine but he's not himself. I wanted to talk to you about taking him until a later date.
M - A later date? When is that?
W- I don't know.
M - I would like to think about it. Dog2 and I are adjusting to him being gone and I'm worried about having him here indefinitely and then me, Dog1, and Dog2 going through separation again at a later date.
W- I'm going to be honest with you. It's not working. I don't think AP and I are going to work out. Here's the thing, and you may not even care anymore. And I want to be careful what I say. I don't want to give you false hope. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I think I made a mistake. I big mistake.
(now she is crying)
M- Don't cry. You'll be ok. It was fine to talk to me. I understand that the M and the A are not dependant on each other. The breakdown of one does not mean the success of the other. I don't carry false hope.
W- I miss you. I just miss you. I went to see a therapist. I don't know what's wrong with me.
M- I'm glad you took that step for yourself.
W- If something doesn't change in the next couple of weeks I'm probably going to end up at my brothers. (pause) Or ask to come home. I just don't know if home is an option for me anymore.
M- W, I have tried to make it clear that D wasn't what I wanted. But if you're asking me if in a few weeks I would let you come home I can't tell you that. That is a What If and I only know what is. I can tell you that if you asked me today I would say no. I have some work to do on myself. I need to be whole again before I can be with anyone.
W- You are amazing RT. I wish I had your strength. What do I do?
M- That's for you to decide W. Maybe go to your brother's to take some time for yourself and focus on you. If you do I hope you continue your therapy there. It really does help. As a matter of fact I have an appt. with my therapist in about an hour so I do have to go.
W- Thank you for talking to me. Can I talk to you again?
M- Sure. You can always call me.
W- I know this is going to sound stupid but, I love you RT.
M- It's not stupid to share your feelings. Know that I love you too. Take care of yourself.
W- I'm trying.
M- Bye
W- Bye
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
