4LC, I am one of those individuals who had a 25 yr marriage, no children and he flipped out and walked away from a relationship, home, family, etc. and was involved w/ow. He did marry her less than a year after we were divorced.
Your perception isn't warped, but I would venture to say that your xh was gradually changing for a few years before the BD took place. He's very much like my xh in the way that he's just flipped the switch and walked away from everything.
What I learned is that you can leave the door ajar, but you will need to go on w/your life. Live your life to the fullest. Since he's engaged, there's not much you can do at this point, but....there will come a time when he may reconnect w/you over something, be it a wedding, death, or he needs something from you. It took my xh a very long time to get over the anger and begin acting like a civil human being. You have to remember that the euphoria has to wear off before they will even settle back down on earth. He's going to find that marrying the ow isn't going to make him happy after a while either. Why? Because the routine things in life will begin to weigh heavily on him once more and yes...the masks they wear will begin to slip and they will eventually become the marry couple that they were to their exes.
Unless you absolutely have to contact him, I wouldn't. I know it's difficult, but you've got to let him go and if the two of you are meant to be together, God will find a way to bring you back together again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
