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I'm thinking that I should tell her that if she doesn't like the details, then she should take care of them. I want to explain to her that the kids and I just do not see the world the way she does, by inspecting every crack and corner for signs of bacteria.


Do it! Matter-of-factly and confidently, of course.
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"I am a great husband! I love you! I don't feel loved by you! So what if there is grunge in the corners of the shower door? Clean it! Don't complain about it. Kind of like when I masturbate...I just take care of my sexual urge myself instead of expecting you to take care of it!"


This one too with matter-of-fact confidence.

Then after you've said something like this to her, ask her just exactly what is she so irritable about all the time, because you really don't think it has anything to do with sex. Let her know you're concerned she feels so bad about something. She's got a good husband who loves her, who does a significant amount of the housework, and who finds her sexually attractive. What exactly is it that is making her so miserable?

Exude CONFIDENCE and STRENGTH when she goes off, but don't let her get off the hook of really examining and talking about what is bugging her. I'm thinking there is something else eating at her that is just making her feel generally irritable. Could be the work and home switch. Even if it was awhile ago, the effects could easily still be there. Whatever it is, she may need someone to just listen to her talk/vent about how she feels. Does she share her inner, emotional self with you? Her vulnerabilities, fears, etc.? Does she talk about her feelings about her life with you? Not the feelings about you, but everything else?

MPT