Fantasy meets Reality

[Notlikingthis]

Linda,

I'm anxious to hear what the barista has to say as well. I wouldn't put it past her to ask him about me once I give her the go ahead. I want her to be sure to do it when ow is with him, though. I will keep you posted.

Aren't these mlcers just hilarious. Leaving clothes behind, then moving them to other rooms but wait, not all of them. They do have to leave something behind just so that they've left an excuse to invade our privacy or keep one foot in the door.

If your h used the same company that issued his phony hotel invoice he better prepare himself for some disappointment. Either that or bring a lot of pay-off money to slip the authorities. Do you know which airline he's using yet? Unless it's the Russian airline he may have trouble getting a phony Visa past them. A little time in the slammer might give him the time he needs to think about things. LOL

Good for you to have an attorney. I spoke with one when my h was purchasing the house just to get some info. We can never be too careful protecting our future in case they bolt or start spending large sums of money.

Have a great evening and keep distancing from the madness. You're doing as well as can be expected just like the rest of us.

[RosaLinda]

I'm not sure of which airline, he's not really forthcoming and I don't like to ask. Aerovit or Finair? Do either of them sound right? I've never flown out of the country - won't he have to go thru customs and show his visa in Moscow?

How are things today? Is your driveway a truck parking lot? Did that check bounce?

[Notlikingthis]

Hi RL,

I think the Russian airline is Aeroflot and yes there is an airline called Finnair. The last time I flew to a country that required a Visa the airline checked to be sure that our passports and Visa were valid. They said that if they don't check and the documents aren't in order and the authorities in that country didn't accept the documents then the airline would be responsible for transporting the person back to the city that they flew from at their expense. Wouldn't that be funny! He gets there and then doesn't have a valid Visa so he has to come home without seeing the RT or Russia! If it's Aeroflot, they could be in cahoots with the company that your h is getting his visa through. He may be allowed to enter the country for a "fee" if things aren't in order.

The check didn't bounce but I need another one for some other things that are due early in August. I may take the money out of a reserve acct that's designated for emergencies or things we haven't budgeted for or even the acct that his payroll check is deposited into. Won't he be surprised. I guess I owe him the courtesy of telling him that I'm doing that or give him the option of writing another check.

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I don't think I posted this but a few weeks after my h went back to work in April, 2 separate envelopes came from his healthcare provider with what appeared to be healthcare cards. One of them had my h's name on it and one had the ow's name on it!!!! I did the unthinkable and trashed the envelope that had the ow's name on it. We are both covered under another provider from my previous employer with much better coverage and much lower deductibles and copays. In the mail today was another envelope from his employers provider. It appears to have 2 cards in it. I debated on whether I should trash it and acting as if it never arrived. He is scamming the healthcare provider and could lose his job over it. So now I have to decide again. Do I report him to his employer, confront him or should it magically disappear again? I'm leaning toward just letting him have the envelope and letting it go. If he loses his job it will put him in a very bad place mentally. Not to mention the fact that he won't be able to finance his new lifestyle, the ow and love nest. What a shame! So, what do you all think? Rat him out or take the high road? I'm leaning toward the high road but the devil in me says report him.

[kml]

The third option is to tell him you know that he put her on his health plan, and that this is fraud and he could lose his job over it.

[Notlikingthis]

kml, Yeah, as much as I'd like to put an end to him financing his new lifestyle, I know that it isn't the right thing to do. This is so unlike him. But in his current state of mind he feels that he is entitled to whatever benefits him (and her) without regard to anyone else's feelings and in this case the rules. The ow doesn't help but encourages this behavior. Her attitude is f the rules. I actually heard her say that when my h and I first met her.

I'll find a way to tell him that I know. He already knows that it's fraud. He works very closely with healthcare/insurance companies and hospitals in his job and is very familiar with the "rules". He knows the consequences as well. He just doesn't think that the rules apply to him right now.

Thanks

[MileHigh]

I've been tempted to make sure the money we paid the contractor (the OM) when I hired him to paint the new house and refinish the floors, is duly reported to the IRS, since it was a moonlighting cash deal. Just to be sure, you know.... :-/

[Notlikingthis]

I hear ya dmr, I am so tempted but I will control my need for revenge at this point. I'm a believer in 'what goes around comes around' so I will let a higher power take care of that.

How are things with you? Are you taking care of yourself? I haven't been reading much here lately. It seems I've gotten a little too busy lately and may need to cut back on my gal! I miss reading about everyone else's craziness.

Thanks for your comments and making me smile today.

[MileHigh]

Thanks for asking. I had a rough day, but took a nice walk, talked with my mom, boaught a large pizza, so I have a few meals lined up. ;-) Hanging in there, even when it's only by a thread.

[Notlikingthis]

dmr, It does feel good to get out and walk and clear our heads, doesn't it? When I walk I try to just enjoy my surroundings and let everything else go. Getting the endorphins going is good for the spirit.

You are doing well considering the craziness of all that has gone on over the past 6+ years. You've been through a lot but there is always hope. Focus on YOU and let the rest take it's natural course.

Resolve to make each day better than the one before until you get to the place that you feel like you're in control of everything that is important to and for YOU!

[Notlikingthis]

While the cat's away.......

My h called yesterday morning to let me know that he was leaving work and on his way home. He didn't leave his truck here so I knew he was in his car. He doesn't drive to work very often so I thought it odd. He chatted about nothing in particular for awhile then mentioned that he'd dropped the ow off at the airport. He didn't give any more details other than to say that she had written a check to him rather than me and he wondered if I'd like him to stop by and give it to me. Thanked him and he said to watch for him (in other words he didn't want to get out of his car). I got busy doing something and didn't hear him drive up. I thanked him for stopping by with the check, started to close the door while telling him that I'd talk to him later. He had a puzzled look on his face like he wanted to say more.

A bit later the phone rang and he asked me if it would be okay if he came by and used the internet because his wasn't working at the other house. Said he had a lot of work to do and needed access. I told him that it would be okay. He shows up, tells me what he needs to get done then goes to work. About 1/2 an hour later I stopped what I was doing to make lunch. I peeked in the room to asked him if he'd like something to drink or eat. He had his computer set up on the opposite side of the room so I couldn't see it clearly but I noticed that he was on a site that had nothing to do with work. I don't think he had work to do. He came by to talk, check out the house to see if everything was the way he left it and to get a free meal! LOL

What I learned from his visit and our conversation is:

He is still confused about what to do in the future.

Ow left the day after a live mouse was found inside a pan in the kitchen. She freaked out, ran outside and wouldn't come back in the house. Hey city girl, when you live here you gotta learn to share your space with the critters!

The ow left without giving him a reconciliation on the budget that he asked for. (He's not happy about that.)

That he doesn't know "exactly" when she is coming back. (My guess is that when the money for the budget is gone, she'll be back).

He doesn't like being alone. It gives him too much time to think about things that he's avoided for too many years.

He feels guilty about not staying in contact with our younger daughter.

He can't stand that he doesn't know if I'm "dating".

He's taking his job a month at a time.

He can now look at me without darting eyes now when he talks to me.

He watches me closely as I speak.

He's a little less formal during conversations.

As he was clearing the table after lunch he started to touch my shoulder then pulled his hand back.

No hug or kiss the past 2 times we've seen each other.

His sense of humor has started to return.

After lunch I went outside and started butchering a bush that was out of control and left him to finish his "work". He came out of the house and told me that the yard needed a little more work. I told him that was true but (jokingly) said that it cuts into my social life, laughing after I said it. He laughed and told me he was leaving. I came back in the house almost immediately to check the wine cellar and the refrigerator for theft! As far as I can tell, nothing is missing.

15 minutes later he calls and leaves a message about something that could have waited till later. A text later in the evening with a message about talking to our daughter's employer. I responded and we had a few laughs about it.

This morning I had an email from him asking me if I'd print out a copy of a presentation that he needed for work. Other than that, no contact today. He has a lot to think about or maybe he's already forgotten that he was here yesterday. LOL

I'm enjoying the day here at home alone without distraction. Finished doing a few projects that I've wanted to do for a very long time. I'm starting to really enjoy the time alone and the evenings, while still a little lonely, aren't nearly as tough as they were in the beginning.

It's been about a month an a half since he moved yet seems like 6. For those of you that are struggling with the thoughts of your h moving out of the house, you will survive if it happens. I thought that it would be best and easier if he stayed. If you've read my thread you know that my h wasn't an angry mlcer and so far hasn't blamed me for what is happening. Sure I miss him and am standing for my M while continuing on with my life without any expectations. For my own mental health it's better to be here alone than to hear bits of the phone conversations with the ow, watch him suffer from depression that I can't do anything about, the walking on eggshells, wondering what mood he'll be in from minute to minute and a long list of other behaviors that I no longer have to deal with. I can't even imagine living with a spouse that is angry, depressed and unpredictable.

My prayers are with all of you, especially those that are living the with a spewing, angry mlcer. We will all survive thanks to the wonderful people on this board.