Need help detaching

[lost_hope]

Thanks for your comments chl0901, I really appreciate it. I am going to be 35 in a few months so part of it is also wanting to feel a little light and airy again. I feel figuratively heavy. I think that these past two years (separation/EA, getting back together, pregnancy/miscarriage/newly discovered uterine tumours, pregancy, separation/potential divorce) have really taken its toll on me. You are right about my body so maybe I'll just wait and see on that one, plus as labug reminded me I am having major abdominal surgery that I will need to recover from. I wouldn't mind a few days out for some cardio and also to GAL outside the home. I am ok with the hair/makeup thing bc as I stated I like doing these things just have pushed it down on my priority list.

The cleaning -- I am by no means dirty or anything it's just that I don't enjoy overly cleaning and I don't like to do it in my free time. I'd much rather read the news or follow a lead for the consulting business. When my son is born I know I'm going to much rather cuddle him or teach him how to read (lol). You know what I mean.

And like you although I work f/t outside the home and of course I will bear the brunt of the childrearing (esp when he's a baby and my H cant' really "do anything" with him) I am just expected to care about this more . Anyway I am trying in that area. I am never going to live up to his perfect role model in that area, his mom who is constantly cleaning her home. And let's not forget I was always like this and he swore in the beginning of our relationship he didnt' care (like the makeup thing) and now suddenly it has become an issue.

So ... he just texted me that he's going out with work buddies after work. Part of what used to bug me was that he never told me where he was going. I have to admit at least he's trying in that area. Of course in a perfect world he would be coming home to me and spending time with me but as we are still in this tense weird pattern it's probably best that he goes out. Now I did break down last time and text him at 2 AM last time he was out and got upset. I am going to DB like mad tonight, not text him, and only ask whether he had a good time with a smile on my face (if I'm still up) when he comes home. Prediction game: "Tonight I will not care about when my H comes home and I will appreciate the fact that he told me in advance where he was going and with whom. I will not pick a fight with him, be upset, or text/call if he comes home late." (I modify the prediction game from DB a bit to suit my needs).