Be extraordinary

[RosaLinda]

Hi Ruby, just catching up on your sitch. You always make me smile, you always have such goings on! Did you get Wonka a dose of your make out potion yet? How is school going? Did you find another place to stay when you're in town or will you still be switching off with your H?

"But h has also felt I never needed him for anything. So I have to find that line where I validate his decisions etc but also give him his space. Where he knows he can find me but also the time he needs.

Pretty difficult right now. Spent my marriage pulling away and to do it now would be a grave. Error. But I have to let him find him first I guess."

I agree that you need to find the line where you validate yet give him space. Difficult thin wavery line, isn't it?

An e-book I bought during this mad quest for self-help information over the past 4 years said that to men, respect is even more important than love, and that without respect, they do not feel loved. It made such a deep impression on me; I never forgot it as I think a lot of the problems in my M way before BD were caused by my lack of needing my H, for making all the decisions and doing everything like you did. I made him feel much less than manly and unrespected.

The book said that underneath all the bravado and displays of confidence, men feel a deep insecurity that they will never discuss openly. And that even though people think of women as the givers, men need to be the givers, to be needed, to be thought of as powerful and effective, to be taken seriously as capable providers with many talents and skills.

Just wanted to let you know that I think you are on track here when you say he feels you never needed him for anything, but need to validate him now. Good luck with your DB coaching session. I have Chuck and like him a lot.