The ups and downs of DBing

[Wendylon]

I keep forgetting how validating and encouraging it is to get feedback. Thank you very much, Rkyfat and Ruby. I guess because DBing is pretty counter-intuitive and counter-cultural, it's really useful to be reminded of the philosophy and have it applied to our own sitch. I see it so much more clearly when I read others' threads.

Snooping is really a double-edged sword. I found out that H owes money to a coach but I'm stuck with that info because I read one of his emails. I have asked him to tell me honestly if he owes anyone money and he lied and said he didn't. You're right, Ruby, I need to quit asking questions because I get angry when he doesn't come clean and he doesn't!

Thank you, Rkyfat, for saying that H isn't necessarily a weak man. This board helps to realise that his behaviour isn't so abnormal.

Thankfully, the financial separation is happening slowly and I can see a time when I won't need to rely on him for anything financial. His mother's house is being transferred into my name and I'll try to make it produce some income even if not in the short term. He'd conveniently forgotten that he owed me 2k but that got sorted out today. I was feeling stressed that he managed to 'forget' the facts. He was meant to reduce the mortgage with it so that the stamp duty on the transfer of his mother's house to me would be lower. As it turns out, he can't really put the money into his account without it being eaten up by the bank. Facts really don't stick with him. I can see how he gets into financial trouble.

He's still over-drinking about once a week but I'm trying to let go of that and not comment.

No sex, no affection, but our interactions are relatively pleasant. He thanked me the other day for being nice about his drinking binges. He said that he was going to say "thank you for not being horrible" but that actually I was being nice.

He and my brother went out and had a nice time together. My brother says (semi-jokingly) he's going to take my H's side in our disputes!

You're right, Rkyfat, that all his unpaid work with autism is commendable. I guess I get a bit critical because it's public and outside the house. He doesn't do as much privately whereas we have someone with autism in our very own house. To be fair, he gets S14 up every morning and does take him out.

Ok, more detaching and less focus on H. Those are my goals!