lol I think it's a case of do as I say, not as I do I was only half expecting H to phone today, it doesn't matter to me whether he did or not. He did though, crikey I can read him like a book! lol. Actually I expected him to ring this evening as he sometimes sees my son on Weds. We were waiting this morning at the bus stop when H rang. He asked if we were at home and I said we were just catching the bus to the next town. He said to wait there and he'd pick us up. He ran us to the next town and because we were a bit early we went for a coffee. We all then walked to my son's friend's house and then me and H walked back to the car. He ran me to where I needed to be, then left me and said he'd pick us up later. It's left me feeling a bit emotional. I forgot to have my anti depressant this morning which may have something to do with it. He acted today as if we were just one big happy family, when really it's his apt that he's going back to and where he now calls home. All the time I acted "as if" and didn't let on how I really felt. Even when he got a bit upset about something, I still didn't react just made sympathetic noises. I didn't know how to react, I'm sure he didn't want me to put my arm round him for comfort. I mentioned about going to the cinema on Thurs, but he said he didn't know what he was doing so I'm going to go ahead and sort out the times for me and my son anyway. We're still going and whether he comes or not is up to him! I've got another busy week this week that doesn't involve H, so I'll be moving on and not worrying about what he's thinking or doing. I was hoping to have a quieter week this week, but that's not happening, lol. My son is staying round at H's on Saturday, so I'm going to arrange a BBQ, that's if the weather is still holding out! Like you 2old, I could wonder why he's showing me pictures of his flat, but unlike you it's not going to play on my mind, lol. I don't know where he lives and I'm not bothered as it's his other life and not here with his family! It may take him a while to realise this or it may not. One thing that today has taught me is I've got to do a 180 on my home and get it tidy, decluttered and clean, instead of being on here all the time, lol. H has started to notice that I've been working on the house which is a good thing If at the end of the day he decides not to come back, I can say that I've worked on me and will be a changed person if I find someone else. At least by improving myself, I won't be making the same mistakes twice!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Doesn't it make you wonder why they wont give their address. I mean I heard you say before b/c he thinks you would be going there and hanging out or something. But seriously, I cant comprehend why this is done by the WAS. I mean do they really believe might show up at their door or what. I dont understand this. Given the fact in my sitch, its now three months since the airport ride and phone call later that night. Does she really think I'm going to go 900 miles to knock on her door only to be treated like the enemy? Especially after 3 months. And now, with my several weeks of only answering her emails she has to know by now I'm only doing the right thing based on her walking away. And to tell you the truth it's still not that easy to not send her an email with some kind of indirect info. I figure that her daughter will have told her by now I sent her daughter $200.00 towards what we owe them. D wants me to send her a pic with my weight loss but I know what you all have been saying about being careful to not use family as a message board etc. Her daughter doesn't want to see her Mother D me. So, I am trying real hard to DBing according to what works. But, like you Trying, it's hard not to want to reach out. I do think I am getting better at it but it only takes one slip up to go back to the beginning again.
Doesn't it make you wonder why they wont give their address. He might give me his address if I asked him, but to be fair I really really don't want to know! It's different in your sitch, but I've no reason to know his address. He has started telling me bits like he lives about a shop and shown me the photos of his place, goodness only knows why! Maybe he's trying to get me to see that he's settled there and he's not going anywhere, but who knows and who cares! I'm not going to obsess about it! I figure that her daughter will have told her by now I sent her daughter $200.00 towards what we owe them. Maybe she has already, but don't expect a reply. If a reply comes then fine but if not then who cares! in fact, that should be your new mantra, lol. Every time you think about your W, then just say who cares and move on Hopefully this will help push her to the back of your mind But, like you Trying, it's hard not to want to reach out. I do think I am getting better at it but it only takes one slip up to go back to the beginning again. I know what you mean. Last week was a nightmare for me trying to get him to answer me. I was getting so stressed about it! Then I think oh heck that means I've got to start all over again! After NC since Saturday, guess who contacted me first You can feel proud knowing that DB is working Don't forget if they initiate contact then it's ok to respond to them in kind and today it was all about family. Made me a bit emotional today and maybe it's made him think but guess what? Who cares! You're doing really well 2old Keep up the good work and start GALing Have you got any GALs planned or do you want me to make some up for you? lol. As usual I'm too busy, lol. I did try and have a quiet week, but it didn't happen, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Been GALing by going into town pretty much every day. It's good you have a son which I see helps keep you and H in more contact. And your H seems to contact you fairly regular. Whereas my W does not do that. It's been a week since she last initiated so we will see how long it goes this time.
I go into town a lot even if I've got nothing to do that day. It is a good way to GAL Have you thought about decorating or getting some new things for the house? Even if you've not got much money, I like to have a rummage in charity shops for things for the house. You can pick up some real treasures from there You can also pick up some bargains from the internet Think positively and think what positive changes can I make to the house At the moment as you know I've got to clean and tidy this house from top to bottom and do some decluttering as well. My hope is to gather enough stuff to do another boot sale which both me and my son love doing I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that me and H keep in contact regularly. It doesn't really give my H much opportunity to miss me, which is partly what 180 is all about! Hopefully your W will contact you soon, but try not to think about this. Get busy! Have you a support group near you for singles? I joined a support group when I was living in another town and they helped me greatly. We went on an organised camping holiday together, I got invited out to house parties and nights out and it helped me forget about H and move on. By the time H decided to come back (this was the first time around, about 12 years ago) I was unsure whether I wanted him back or not. I took him back though for the sake of my son who was only young at the time and gradually the love for him came back. The first time, I didn't know anything about DB, DR, 180, etc. but did it anyway! I didn't have the support of forums, though I still phoned up friends and chatted on the internet. Try not to stress either. It doesn't do you or your health any good! Have you been to the doc since your W left you? You doc may be able to give you a medical or point you in the direction of support groups? I hope I'm helping, I don't want to appear to be nagging you. That's one of my failings you know, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Ha, your not naggy as far as I can tell.....I dont believe I need a doc Trying. As this goes on I get stronger but still cant help to peek around the corner for any signs of her contacting me. Its jus the way it is at the moment. As far as I know she may go for sometime without anymore contact. I really dont know. For now I plan to stay quiet and see if anything comes about. I had to send her some mail that still is making its way here but I only sent her mail, no notes no anything else.
Good for you Glad I'm not naggy, lol. I know you can't help but think about when she's going to contact you next, but don't waste too much of your precious time Have a quick think about it, then move on! If she does contact you, you'll only be thinking what does she think now? What does this mean? Why has she said this? lol. Take the silence as a bonus, you'll only get stressed if she does contact you Remember what I said about changing the house around? Think about how she would react if she suddenly came to the door? Will she be seeing positive changes in you and the house or more of the same? I want my H to see positive changes in me and the house, but I've still got to get started on the house. At the moment when he comes round, I'm embarrassed about the state of the house. He says he doesn't notice, but I bet he does as this was one of his gripes! He did notice that I'd cleared out the conservatory though, which is a positive sign If your W doesn't ever come home, then you still want to be the best that you can be in case you ever meet anyone else or history will repeat itself. I know you probably don't want to think about this, I don't either but you have to be prepared just in case
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
"Take the silence as a bonus, you'll only get stressed if she does contact you"
I know that is right as for now her being quiet and I guess is best. Since there is nothing much coming from her but when she needs favors. Except for the new number contact. It has been a week now since her barrage of contact. I am wanting to contact with something but I know I shouldn't. I sent her mail to her yesterday should arrive Friday and I usually email her giving her a heads up mails on the way. This time I will remain silent however. Not expecting a response. This writing should be considered journaling I guess. Just emptying some feelings.......
I know what you mean about wanting to contact them, I feel like that frequently. My paper shredder has just broken, it's done this before and my H knows how to fix it. I'm seeing him on Saturday when he picks up my son, so I'll ask him about it then. When she next contacts you, you can then reply "oh btw..." and then tell her what you wanted to contact her about. That's how I get round that one, I don't know if it's a good way or a bad way. Would like to hear someone's opinion on that one. I'm having a really lazy day today. I'm tired and not really in the mood to start tidying the house. Tomorrow we're going to the cinema and Friday I've got IC and then an appt with my son on Friday afternoon. My son is going to his dad's this weekend and I need to do some GALing. I was hoping to have a BBQ, but as always happens when my H has him for the weekend everyone is busy, lol. I'd love to join a single parents support group, but there isn't one near here! If you normally email her to let her know that some post is on it's way, then she'll be surprised that she's not heard from you! Give her a chance to miss you, I don't get that opportunity like I've said before as I see him too much. You're dong really well, keep on keeping on
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
"Take the silence as a bonus, you'll only get stressed if she does contact you" Since there is nothing much coming from her but when she needs favors... I am wanting to contact with something but I know I shouldn't.
Boy, does all of that sound familiar. Hang in there, buddy!
I was only half expecting H to phone today, it doesn't matter to me whether he did or not. He did though, crikey I can read him like a book! lol. Actually I expected him to ring this evening as he sometimes sees my son on Weds.