Last night I had a hard time sleeping and now I'm wide awake I'm so scared that I won't be able to keep up with my bills. MIL is trying to help me to get by bills knocked down to a more reasonable amount for me to be able to afford. I'm so grateful for her help. But I still worry about it. I need to just slow down and stop worrying about everything which is hard for me to do. I already have couple of bills that are couple of monthes behond. I should have taken over the bill paying along time ago and I know a lot of ppl have told me this but I had put to much trust in H and now I have to try to catch up and again I never in my wildest dream that my marriage would end up like this. I just need some good fortune to come my way yes I know I have to go and get it cause its not coming on its own.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Last night I had a hard time sleeping and now I'm wide awake I'm so scared that I won't be able to keep up with my bills. MIL is trying to help me to get by bills knocked down to a more reasonable amount for me to be able to afford. I'm so grateful for her help. But I still worry about it. I need to just slow down and stop worrying about everything which is hard for me to do. I already have couple of bills that are couple of monthes behond. I should have taken over the bill paying along time ago and I know a lot of ppl have told me this but I had put to much trust in H and now I have to try to catch up and again I never in my wildest dream that my marriage would end up like this. I just need some good fortune to come my way yes I know I have to go and get it cause its not coming on its own.
You need a plan that systematically details out what you need to do to catch up on your bills and financially succeed past that point. With that, your worry will ease and you'll sleep better, which will spill over and help all parts of your life.
Write your plan down and stick to it.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Take moments to just breathe...and step by step do what you can. Dont be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Worrying fixes nothing. Believe things will get better (they will!) and as you said take action.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Okay Kel, at this point, if things are keeping you up at night, you need to see a lawyer. Find a free consult and go. Mediation is also very cheap, if not free.
You need to know your rights and H needs to alleviate some of this worry financially.
Can you talk to H calmly about the financial situation? Sit down and make a list of expenses etc. Do you work? If not, maybe a part time to supplement.
Take moments to just breathe...and step by step do what you can. Dont be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Worrying fixes nothing. Believe things will get better (they will!) and as you said take action.
Well said Mimi30.
Asking for help may be one of the hardest things you do, but you will start feeling better about your finances right away. It took me several weeks to actually make that phone call (I felt I was letting myself down for not being able to cope on my own), but now that I have and I know I have a professional helping me sort my finances I'm sleeping better. I still worry that I won't have enough to pay rent if/when my father decides to sell his house and move out of the area (he keeps saying he's going to - the city is too big and expensive for his liking now that he's retired), but I've decided that I'll try not to worry about it until it actually become reality.
Worry only causes grey hairs and I have enough of them without the extra worry - LOL. And sleepless nights aren't good for you either.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Asking for help may be one of the hardest things you do, but you will start feeling better about your finances right away. It took me several weeks to actually make that phone call I've only just got round to sorting out my finances, it's taken me 4 months to do it! I'm kicking myself now as I should've done it right from the start! Worry only causes grey hairs and I have enough of them without the extra worry - LOL. And sleepless nights aren't good for you either. Worry can also make you ill. I suffer from IBS (look that one up because I'm not explaining that one, lol). I've also had problems sleeping at times. All the posts above are well thought out and informative. You have some kind and lovely friends on here Don't forget that!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I won't forget all my new friends on this site I have a lot of support from everyone here because I'm not the only one that is going through this. This weekend will be a very sad and tough weekend this will be The first weekend my H will have the boys all weekend. I will be at home all by myself I haven't been away from my boys for that long apart. My plan is to clean The whole house I'm going to get ruid of tons of things that we do not need so that way my house will finally be more organized and it won't look like a pig pen. I have a lot of cleaning to do. That should keep my mind off of being alone this weekend.I may or may not go to the drive in on Saturday night just to get away.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
That sounds like a really good idea Why don't you do a boot sale as well, then you can earn some extra money to take your boys to the drive in when they return Are you having fun with your boys at the moment? The last thing you want is to hear them tell their dad that you don't do anything with them and you are upset all the time. Be strong for your boys and your health You're doing really well and are getting stronger and more positive by the day
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Just got another blow last night H had spent the day with The boys and he already had them meet OW what the bleep bleep. I just don't get it he keeps telling me one thing and does the opposite. I don't understand what's going on here.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I believe one of Sandi's rules is believe little to none of what your spouse says.So don't put your hope in what he says he will or won't do at this point. I know its hard to no longer be able to rest in the word of your spouse as you have for so many years....unfortunately they are no longer the people they once were. Our feelings our not their priority so we cant rest like we use to, we have to instead gaurd our hearts and minds... love them...but not let their actions hurt us.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Don't forget that!