Thumpered, I'm catching up on your sitch after being distracted by my own.
You mention that your W seems to be going out of her way to hurt you. In my sitch, with time, I think DB-ing and 180's helped diffuse this tendency. If you are nice, calm, and non-combative in all interactions with the W, then it is more difficult for them to hate you or blame you for their problems. The 180's were on behaviors and things I did that caused the W pain. For example, being critical of her, complaining, and other small things that made living together better for both of us.
Try to keep up the PMA and maintain cordial relations from your side at all times and maybe with some time, your W's anger towards you will dissipate.
