i was going to write to you and say the same kind of thing. i'm biting my tongue- sometimes my own little sarcasm sneaks out. i need to squelch that- if i'm going to "do this" and keep mum til i have my own junk sorted out- my own kind-of future- i need to stfu til the bitter end. i know it. in my own best interests here for him to think i'm a dedicated doofis - i think.
i am more det5ached to him tho- i can walk away when he ever gets close to being icky- i believe he senses it- tries to act nicer when he gets wind of me just walking out on him and his "even beginning tantrum" - i am soooo OVER his bad attitude and impatient crappy self.
my tolerance is soooo low now that i know what it alllll is- where did that understanding woman go? sitting in car yesterday thinking about just that- howwwww hard i tried and how nice i was allllllll the time and how UNDERSTANDING ---- love - ya gotta admire what it inspires in us. when it's there - (oh man- did i say that? sad huh?)
THEN - FINDING OUT what the heck REALLY was going on- well,
now, i think of you alot with it all in your face all the time and your h's rants, etc.- and i think how very little tolerance i have. he even looks at me funny and my brain is thinking "stuff it buddy" inside my head.
it's sad- i guess it's mandatory if we are to survive and not become sniviling worms.
anyway- managing to keep my lid on- idk what it is bothering him - his ow or his aunt who is jerking him around like mad. what the heck is it with old old old people who are neeeedy being $hitty to the only one coming around??? i can't get over it.
nevermind- not going there. he gets a little taste of my life maybe-
anyway- you're rite. i keep thinking same- how he "was" and is not any more. such things as stinking courtesy and manners and treating me like any other person in the world. like my mother here- what IS THIS ANYWAY???? her too- i'd settle for being treated as nicely as the check out girl in the food store.
not to be i guess- i am $hit to these guys- for whatever reason- don't even care anymore- just well and truly tired of it.
and you're rite again- there's got to be a better way to live tahn this. i want a companion who actually talks to me and values me and would like to hear what i say.
very very tired of feeling like a buzzing mosquito to these people who are SOOOOO IMPORTANT THAT i am a nuisance!!! f that .
insanity-
however, mood okay- sleep okay- so here i am still and carrying on. i actually have stuff i should be doing while down here- mammogram, etc, i'm a terrible procrastinator.
oh well- hope your day is good one- g onna be okay here i guess.
